A nursing home was not my first choice of places to hang out as a teenager. It was my first day of volunteer service. I felt anxious as I entered the intimidatingly large building, expecting to be greeted by the dreary stereotype. I left with a smile.

It wasn't my kindness that led to my smile that day. It was what I witnessed. As I scouted places to put myself to use, I remember a resident laughing, "You're playing hooky, aren't you?" My day brightened a little. As we sat down for BINGO I saw another senior helping their companions to set up their sheets. Despite the suffering they may have experienced, which comes with age, I saw multiple examples of people showing each other compassion.

I felt humbled by their strength.

Compassion

Compassion. I picture the word in flowers. Maybe dandelions.

You might say that dandelion is no flower. It's a weed.

It depends on how you look at it.

Compassion is like that.

If you've ever had dandelions in your yard that you didn't want there, you could probably attest that they are tough to rid of, despite their pretty and delicate appearance. Compassion is like that.

While compassion might look 'soft,' the reality is that it takes a lot more strength to recognize another person's hurt and lean in than to turn your head. It takes even more courage to seek to understand your difficulties and to commit to making changes.

Still, like the dandelion, compassion is not always appreciated. Many fear that through letting go of self-criticism, and leaning into compassion a web of laziness and poor self-control will form. Yet, compassion, particularly self-compassion, is not about indulgence. It's about recognizing our own and others' condition to improve it.

5 Unexpected Benefits of Compassion

1. Health

Compassion, specifically self-compassion, is linked to overall health. Research suggests that individuals with higher levels of self-compassion engage in more positive health behaviors, and, even independent of this, report fewer health symptoms (Dunne et al. 2018). We are more likely to take care of ourselves when we act with compassion.

2. Improved Coping with Depression and Anxiety

One study of 504 people living with depression and anxiety symptoms found that levels of self-compassion predicted quality of life (Van Dam et al, 2011) even more so than other positive mental health habits such as mindfulness. Self-compassion allows us to recognize the difficulties of life, which for many include depression and anxiety, and to be kind to ourselves. This leads to a higher quality of life.

3. Relationship Satisfaction

Self-compassion not only benefits us, but it puts us in a space where we can relate more effectively to others. A study of undergraduate students found a positive correlation between self-compassion and relationship satisfaction (Jacobson et al, 2018).

4. Happiness and Self-Esteem

By now, you might not be surprised that compassion is linked with overall happiness and self-worth. There is more good news. Compassion can be grown. Among participants recruited online, a compassion practice was found to significantly increase a sense of happiness and self-esteem when compared to a control group (Mongrain et al, 2011).

5. Performance

While many use self-criticism as a way to motivate themselves, research suggests that self-compassion as opposed to self-criticism is linked to performance in areas as diverse as athletics (Killham et al. 2018) and academics (Egan et al, 2022).

More than Behavior

The changes related to compassion are rooted in more than behavior. Research utilizing fMRI technology has shown differential activation in the brain in response to witnessing suffering in a video after compassion training (Klimecki et al, 2014). Rather than evidence of activation patterns associated with simply echoing the pain, patterns more associated with reflection showed up. This is thought to be a result of a more positive coping strategy for witnessing suffering.

Ways to Cultivate Compassion

Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) is a psychotherapy focused on utilizing the benefits of compassion toward self and others to improve psychological well-being (Gilbert, 2009). A variety of strategies are utilized to render these benefits. Work with a psychotherapist would be required to get the full virtue of the psychotherapy. Still, there are some strategies drawn from this therapy that we can utilize.

1. Sending Well Wishes

Loving Kindness Meditation is a practice drawing from ancient Buddhism adapted for use in several psychotherapies such as Compassion Focused Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. A simple practice is the sending of well wishes. This could be well wishes to yourself, someone you know, someone you don't know, or the world. It could be done as a chant with the same well wishes for example, 'May you find meaning and may you experience joy.' You could also customize the wishes of each individual. The well wishes can be said aloud, repeated silently, written down, or even drawn. This cultivates compassionate intentions.

2. Keep a Pulse on Your Critical Self-Talk

While it can be tough to eradicate critical self-talk, noticing when it comes up and addressing yourself with kindness is something you can do to foster self-compassion. This can be as simple as saying to one's self, 'I am noticing an urge to put myself down. This is a rough moment.' You might also alter your self-talk, for example, if you notice yourself saying 'I'm stupid' after dropping your keys you might take a breath and silently remember 'I'm not stupid. I'm feeling rushed. I'll just pick these keys up and move on.' The idea is to create an internal voice that is encouraging like a friend.

3. Acts of Kindness (to Others and Yourself)

Compassionate behavior is a major piece of Compassion-Focused Therapy. This can be done through simple acts of kindness such as writing a thank you note or helping a neighbor cut the yard. It can also be done through acts of kindness to yourself such as being kind to your body through exercise or doing what you can to get enough rest at night.

4. Remembering Kindness

We remember what we pay attention to. Unfortunately, we are wired to focus more on the negative than the positive. Taking a moment to honor of times someone has shown kindness to you or another person is one way to counteract this. You may bring to mind a particular time or a person, like a grandparent or a teacher, who has been kind to you.

5. Celebrating the Good Things

Celebrating both your own and other people's joys and accomplishments is complementary to compassion. Ultimately, we seek to see the best in ourselves and others. Noticing those glimmers and giving yourself time to savor will strengthen the connection and make it more likely for you to enjoy these experiences in the future.

In Closing

Compassion is anything but weak. It takes strength to practice compassion, and it holds many benefits. Taking time to cultivate compassion through acts of kindness, compassionate self-talk, and general acknowledgment that we are all residents of the same planet is well worthwhile. If researching compassion for yourself or others, psychotherapy, particularly Compassion Focused Therapy, can help. Compassion is a skill anyone can integrate into their lives.