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In an image that might suggest dark undertones, Esther dreamed of a dead relative who was “not always very nice.” However, after discussing the dream, Esther saw how it helped her redefine her family relationships and move toward greater maturity.

As with many dreams about deceased loved ones, this one suggested a transformation in the dreamer’s life.

The Dream

My deceased dad was helping me pack up a lot of kids’ toys in his red pickup truck.

The Discussion

I said to Esther, “This is a great dream. Let’s begin by looking at your feelings. How did you feel in this dream?”

She responded easily, “I felt seen; that he knew I was struggling.”

I asked, “Is there a recent situation in your waking life that has you feeling comforted? Has someone brought that feeling to you?”

Esther answered, “It’s quite the opposite. I have been struggling emotionally for a while. I am now back to work, which makes my struggle harder since my company asked us to return to the office.

“In a different situation altogether, I’ve been thinking about how I’m the tower for everyone in my family, but they never consider me. It makes me want to say, ‘The strong get tired too.’

“So, the two things weighing on me are returning to working onsite after working from home since Covid and my family’s dependence on me. I am the oldest of nine siblings.”

I suggested we look at the symbols in the dream. “What are the first two or three things that come to mind when you think about your dad’s red pickup truck?”

Esther replied, “When I saw his red truck, I thought of comfort and that someone showed up for me.

“My father wasn't always the nicest person, but he listened when I needed him to, and he had the tenacity of a bull. The only thing he said to me in my dream was to remember to stay close to God no matter what I did. This was my third dream of him this week.”

I responded by explaining, “In some cases, the different parts of your dream represent different parts of you. They can represent your fears but also your potential, all the possible ways you might respond to the situation you are facing.

“Do you feel like you might want to access the part of yourself like your dad, who knew how ‘to listen to you when you need it?'”

Esther said, “That's a great point about listening to myself like my dad listened to me. I'm beginning to learn how to trust myself when doing what I want.”

I asked, “How about the fact that you are packing up toys? What comes to mind when you think of toys?”

She reflected, “I have no idea about the toys. It's odd, especially in light of my being 54; the toys or childhood thing still puzzles me.”

I offered, “Perhaps you’re packing toys up as a way of saying goodbye to your childhood? It’s like you are taking responsibility for caring for yourself. Does that resonate?”

Esther agreed, “I'm definitely ready to concentrate on me and not everyone else, like I did as a child with my younger siblings.”

I continued, “I noticed you described your dad as ‘not always very nice.’ Do you see your decision to focus on yourself instead of feeling responsible for your adult siblings as ‘not very nice’?”

“Yes,” Esther agreed. “I’m stepping away from looking after everyone and moving towards the adult in me, who knows I need to take care of myself even when my siblings think I’m ‘not always very nice.’

“It fits well with how I judge myself too, in addition to how my siblings feel about me as I stop catering to all their needs.”

With this, even I connected. “Esther, it seems like you’re reaching inside yourself to access that part like your dad, who can listen when you need it and isn’t too worried about always seeming ‘nice’ if there’s something you need to do for yourself. Your dream shows the good direction you are moving in.”

What We Can Learn

After losing her parent, it seems from Esther’s dream and discussion, that she might feel as if there’s no one left in her family who “listens when she needs them to.” Siblings she looked after long ago who are now adults themselves provide the impetus for her to focus on her own needs.

If “being nice” fits the role we played in our youth, when do we give ourselves permission to move on and look after our own needs? At what point is looking after yourself considered nice? The whole point is becoming unstuck, and meeting your own needs without judgment.