LONELINESS & ANXIETY: THE UNSOLVED PUZZLE

Loneliness can lead to anxiety by triggering feelings of social inadequacy, fear of rejection, and heightened self-consciousness. When individuals feel disconnected from others, they may develop irrational beliefs about their social worth and ability to form meaningful relationships. This cognitive distortion can fuel anxiety symptoms such as excessive worrying, rumination, and avoidance of social situations. Over time, chronic loneliness can exacerbate anxiety disorders, as individuals become trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts and behaviors driven by their fear of rejection and isolation. Seeking social support and addressing underlying emotional needs are crucial in mitigating loneliness-induced anxiety.

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GRATITUDE-
Practicing an Attitude of Gratitude.
Finding your way home through poetry of ancient wisdom.

KEY POINTS-
Gratitude requires more than a mere "thank you." It requires practical reciprocity.
The role of gratitude in recovery from addiction exemplifies the importance of giving back.
Gratitude for the gifts given by nature requires stewardship of the earth.
Gratitude begins as an idea, advances to practical action, and culminates in revising our identity and relationship to the earth.

Recovery from addiction, as well as from a wide variety of health issues and traumas, naturally fosters feelings of gratitude. But even deep gratitude tends to fade as we turn to the mundane tasks of daily life. People in recovery through the Twelve Steps are aware that maintaining an “attitude of gratitude” is important for remaining sober. Although the word “gratitude” does not appear in the Twelve Steps, Step Three involves a decision to receive the gift of caring and Step Twelve closes the loop by encouraging returning this gift to others in need.

The reciprocity of receiving and giving back is the essence of practicing gratitude. This reciprocity is beautifully described in Braiding Sweetgrass, by the Native American botanist and ecologist Robin Wall Kimmerer[i]. Her poetic writing combines ancient stories from different Anishinaabe tribes with a detailed scientific understanding of how the world of plants feeds and is nurtured by their mother earth. All living beings are treated as persons in the way humans see each other.

Wolves, nuthatches, and bees are all seen as people with homes and children. Humans are only one of many peoples, and all ultimately depend on plants as the sole life form capable of making food from sun, air, and water. In the process, plants feed oxygen into the air for all animals to breathe. Kimmerer’s perspective embeds humans in the vibrant web of life born from our earth. We are wholly dependent on the health of this web. Our own health and existence depend on the health and existence of this web, and yet we have fallen into unawareness of this relationship.

Instead, we expropriated the role of master, turning all the gifts earth freely gives as mere commodities to be monetized. We live in an illusion of our mastery as we graze through grocery stores casually grabbing bits and pieces of plant and animal lives wrapped in Styrofoam and plastic (themselves products of ancient plants pressed into petroleum deposits). We act like children who sneak into our grandmother’s kitchen to steal all the cookies she baked unbidden for us, carelessly breaking the plate that held them.

There is no reason we would be able to recover from the brain changes caused by addiction, but sobriety is a freely available gift. So too is the air we breathe, clear water from natural springs, fruits, nuts, roots, and grains given to us by the earth. No human can invent and produce such gifts. Humans are newcomers on earth, wholly dependent on its freely given bounty. Gratitude begins with becoming fully aware of our dependence on these gifts. Like recovering alcoholics and other drug addicts, we need to “make a decision” to embrace the reality of our dependence on the natural world. We cannot exist outside nature.

Awareness is necessary, but not sufficient, for the fulsome practice of gratitude. There must also be reciprocity. We cannot take from the earth with only a mere “thank you” in return. We must also become active stewards by caring for the natural world that already cares for us. We must enter into a mutual relationship with earth. It is our home, and homes need maintenance and care. The embrace earth gives us must be returned by our embrace of the earth, just as recovery from addiction is maintained by carrying the message of sobriety to those still in need.

The earth is in need. It needs us to take our foot off the accelerator that is driving climate change. As Kimmerer points out, the maple trees that offer us such sweet syrup are needing to migrate further north, becoming refugees from their current home because climate warming is ruining their current homeland. We need to stop driving carbon into the atmosphere and begin nurturing plants that pull it back out of our air.

I have been thrown into turmoil over what I can personally do to practice gratitude for all earth has given me throughout my 78 years. Too blind now even to garden, how can I practice gratitude? What practical action is available? After some thought, I have made a decision to serve the songbirds I remember being so plentiful when I was young but have become so much rarer now. As a child I remember the golden finches, redwing blackbirds, Baltimore orioles, and bobwhites that sang through the woods. Without much vision now, I delight in the birds still chirping in my yard. I am installing a bath to give them water through the dry summer, feeders to invite them to dinner, and small houses to raise their children. I love these birds, so it is time to do something so they will love me back.

An attitude of gratitude starts small but leads to radical shifts in our relationship to the entirety of earth’s natural world if we practice reciprocity. It can lead to seeing the land surrounding us as our home, not as property we own. In Kimmerer’s words, those who immigrated to America must find a way to become indigenous to this land. We need to find our proper place in the web this land has spun. Receiving and giving are two sides of belonging

HYPOMANIA
Is It Safe to Trigger or Extend Hypomania?
A Personal Perspective: Ride the waves but don’t push the river.
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

I sleep deeply and need less. No longer eight to nine hours. I’m fine with six to seven. My eyes pop open, and thoughts flutter faster than I can catch them.

An early morning walk and colors sparkle bright and beautiful. The sky smiles an 80s eye shadow blue.

Back at home, my pedestrian breakfast walks into another realm. Raspberry jam bubbles with mammoth sweet tartness and the butter on my toast unleashes its heavenly aroma. A wide space opens around each bite, and I fall into the experience entirely.

At my desk now, hands on the computer keyboard, like an orchestral pianist, my fingers machine gun out a blog post and scenes for a stage play. They’re good. Really. Not like the crap poetry I think is good when I write in a swirling mania.

The work I do while in the land of hypomania has substance and quality. The experience is effervescent. Not something that’s easy to let go. It does inevitably, though, go. Unlike depression, it passes quickly. A short visit, one or two days, three at the most. For me. Now. That wasn’t always the case. Early in my recovery, it lasted longer, created more damage, and often swooped into a mania that could fling into psychosis. Not pretty. Never pretty.

I recognize it for what it is. Hypomania. A mood state less severe than mania occurs episodically in bipolar disorder. I don’t panic anymore. I take advantage of it without coaxing it to stay longer. That can court disaster. In this place, the world doesn’t feel unreal. I don’t feel invincible. I know I’m not walking in multiple dimensions. That would be the florid flavor of mania. But the border between the two states is freakishly vague.

Like stepping from one province into another, you don’t know when that happens unless you know what to look for. It can happen in a manic blink of an eye without you even noticing, and certainly not noticing in time to do anything to prevent it.

I was asked in a Q and A the following question: Is it possible to safely trigger an extended period of hypomania?

I’m living well with rapid cycling bipolar 1 disorder with psychotic features. I say "living well" because, having found effective self-management tools, a good counselor and doctor, medications that work without side effects, and a strong social network of understanding (and fun) friends, mood episodes do not derail me. When the inevitable depression or hypomania comes, they’re less severe, shorter-lived, and I know how to help myself.

It’s often hard for loved ones to understand why we would want to perpetuate mood states that can cause us so much trouble. Maybe my experience sheds some light on the seductive nature of hypomania.

Back to the question. You can try to extend a hypomanic state once you’re in it. Continue sleeping less, meditate too much, eat very little, drink lots of coffee, keep ideas coming, and write everything down. But can you do it safely? I highly doubt it. I’ve never tried. The potential consequences of such an uncontrollable state far outweigh any of its lures. Full blow mania, psychosis even, hospital stays aren’t great trade-offs for such ephemeral exuberance.

A good psychiatrist I worked with made two points when we discussed dealing with hypomania. First, he said if I noticed I was in a hypomanic phase, be careful because it can snap into full-blown mania without notice. Hence why I never intentionally try to trigger or draw one out.

The second point was surprising to me. He said it’s ok to advantage of its creative and productive energy. Don’t do things to exacerbate it. Allow it to pass when it starts to move on. But if you find you’re inspired to write, write. Cleaning your house? Clean your house. But at the same time, be vigilant. At the first sign of symptom escalation, I was to contact him.

There’s a deeper issue at play here, though. If I find myself reminiscing about what I think are the glory days of hypomania (by the way, there aren’t any) and longing to recreate them, I need to ask myself a question.

Why do I want to be hypomanic? What's missing in my life?

Usually, vitality has left the building. Maybe there's no levity, no joy. Or I’m simply not having much fun, engaging in enough creativity or perhaps feeling disconnected from my spirituality.

Looking at it that way, I can reengage in satisfying activities and fulfill those needs. I might write, get crafty and make a card, buy flowers and arrange them in vases, go to the ocean to feel its expansiveness, walk in the forest, meditate, watch reruns of Friends, or call a friend who makes me laugh.

Ironically, the longing for hypomania, something which hobbled me before, now has the power to help me create a fuller life. It’s a signal that reminds me to rediscover play in my life and a satisfaction that goes beyond fleeting glee.

The Urgency for Love as a Healing Force.
How indifference is limiting the future of health care.
Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

KEY POINTS-
Most of us agree that love is important for healing, though it is largely ignored in scientific research.
Loneliness, isolation, and warfare are contributing to record levels of anxiety and depression worldwide.
An attitude of curiosity and urgency could explode the potential of love as a healing force.

Love. We all talk about it, but how much do we really understand this mysterious force field?

We refer to love frequently in poetry, religion, and mysticism. “The universe would disappear without the existence of the force [of love],” said Gandhi. When the Beatles released “All You Need Is Love,” more than 400 million people in 25 countries watched via live satellite and raised their glasses in a resounding “hell, yeah.” So there’s no disputing its fundamental importance.

Today's Experience of "Non-Love"
Yet, it’s also clear that "non-love" is a dominant experience today: Loneliness is more prevalent than connectedness, and the longer-term effects of global lockdowns and enforced isolation are only just starting to emerge. Take a look at the most recent statistics in PubMed where new cases of anxiety and depression are documented, and you’ll understand why psychotherapists' and psychiatrists’ schedules are fully booked. Consider the incline in suicide and divorce rates, not to mention warfare in recent years. Even the climate crisis may have its roots in a deficit of love.

It’s not that we don’t share a sense of collective urgency about resolving these situations. However, because we don't know how to measure love specifically, or diagnose “not-love” so that we can prescribe remedies, we don’t know how to get down to the originating cause. This leaves us shuffling the best cosmetic solutions we can find.

This is simply because we don't have an adequate understanding about the true nature of love as a healing force. Beyond romantic love and attraction, it gets left out of scientific and medical discourse. Apart from a few courageous explorers of love as a transformational field, it is generally overlooked by the experts. We don't pay attention to it; we don't try and measure it; in scientific research, we're not even curious about it.

What creates such indifference? By holding this question throughout recent years as we have been developing Heart Based Medicine, I have become aware of how much the disposition of being an expert gets in the way, particularly in a white male mind like mine. A part of all of us wants to be an expert, and leaning into things that we don't understand can make us uncomfortable. Yet, the capacity to explore and acknowledge things we don't know about opens the possibility of intelligent, creative, generative conversations.

Let’s look at an instructive example: The Black Death, which primarily affected Europe and the Middle East from 1346 to 1353, was the most fatal pandemic in human history. It killed somewhere between 75 and 200 million people, wiping out 30 to 60 percent of the European population and about a third of the Middle East. It reduced the world population from 475 million to about 350 million in just seven years, taking until 1500 to get back to the same pre-plague levels.

Faced with the magnitude of this health crisis, the world was gripped by a tremendous sense of urgency, but without having an accurate and comprehensive system to understand the origins and to address the catastrophe. There was an intuitive sense of the nature of infection, without yet understanding the mechanics. Transmission was attributed to smells, so gowns and masks were worn for protection. There was no microscope or other direct way to measure bacteria and no one had even considered antibiotics back then.

Open-Minded Curiosity
Centuries later, we now know that the plague was caused by the bacterium Yersinia pestis. This knowledge was the result of open-minded curiosity, and the willingness by scientists to acknowledge that there was something present that they didn’t yet fully understand. The enquiry took rigorous questioning of previously held assumptions. It then took decades of piecemeal science before we shifted from a medieval view of infectious disease to our modern scientific view that allows us to deal with bacterial infection.

This approach is the opposite of, and the antidote to, the arrogance of expertise. The expert leans into what she thinks she knows, while the inquisitive explorer has the humility to be curious about what she doesn’t know.

When Antonie van Leeuwenhoek came up with the first microscope in the 17th century, he amplified the capacity of our eyes in such a way that we could see things we had not seen before. That could be a useful clue here. To embrace love as a healing force, it may not be the eyes but the heart that you want to see through. Your heart has the capacity to experience and to know things. It may well be that, by learning to amplify the messages that come from the heart, we will be able to develop coherent diagnostic tests for not-love as well as a prescriptive attitude toward love.

Humility and an open-minded disposition may finally lead us beyond the limited view of seeing love as the byproduct of human thought, emotion, and action. Maybe one day we will come to recognize scientifically what most people already know intuitively: that love is a universal generative healing force available to us all.

I would suggest that what is needed today—more than anything else—is to bring the same open-minded curiosity to the nature of love that Pasteur and Koch brought to infection. If our greatest minds were fueled and funded by that same degree of urgency and tasked with discovering the potential of love as a transformational field, imagine what the effects might be on health care and society.

RELATIONSHIPS-
5 Things You Should Do Every Single Day.
An evolutionary perspective on everyday living.
Reviewed by Tyler Woods

KEY POINTS-
Life is full of choices. And it is often difficult to know what choices to make.
An evolutionary perspective on everyday human life can help shape healthy choices and actions in all life domains.
Based on work in evolutionary psychology, here are five actions that we can take every day to help us thrive.

If you're old enough to read this, then you already know that life is hard. People often look to publications such as Psychology Today to help provide guidance across all spheres of living. With this in mind, here I present a list of five simple actions that, if performed regularly, can help you thrive in all aspects of life.

From an evolutionary perspective, the human mind did not evolve for modern, large-scale, industrialized conditions—conditions in which we all have cell phones at the ready and can literally communicate our ideas with the entire world with the push of a button. From an evolutionary perspective, we evolved in small-scale societies surrounded by nature. Under the conditions that shaped our evolution, all communication was face-to-face and most interactions were with either family members or individuals with whom we had long-standing social relations.

From the perspective of positive evolutionary psychology, we can use our understanding of evolution and human behavior to help us make healthy choices and to build habits that, based on our evolved psychology, can help us thrive across all spheres of life.

1. Treat others with forgiveness and grace.
Based on work on the evolutionary psychology of moral emotions (c.f., De Jesus et al., 2021), we evolved in small-scale societies, surrounded by the same individuals over and over again. Our minds evolved to exist in such contexts. In such a world, treating others in a way that is selfish and disrespectful would have had adverse effects for oneself in the long run.

Maybe each day you should make a point to forgive someone in your world for some prior transgression or go out of your way to show someone grace and respect. Our ancestors who did this sort of thing stayed in the good graces of others. Such actions clearly played a role in helping our ancestors stay connected with (and supported by) others.

2. Experience love every day.
Based on all kinds of data, love is a real emotion that evolved to help keep people closely connected with important others (e.g., with romantic partners who also often served as co-parents; see Fisher, 1993). Famously, Maslow (1943) prioritized love as one of the core human needs.

Express love toward someone in your world each and every day. Loving, thoughtful acts (even as simple as ordering that special someone cream cheese and bagels when their fridge is empty) can go a long way to making that special someone feel valued and appreciated. And you'll both benefit from this kind of outcome in the long run.

3. Get out into nature.
Wilson (1984) famously talked about biophilia, and how humans, like all organisms, evolved to experience nature, in all its grandeur, each and every day. Regardless of the weather, I'd say make sure to get outside each day. This may be an epic hike up Mount Washington in New Hampshire, under intense conditions with 100+ mile per hour winds, or it may be as simple as a nice walk to the mailbox on a beautiful sunny day. Wherever you are geographically or physically, we evolved to have that kind of experience regularly.

4. Do something altruistic.
Based on all kinds of work in evolutionary behavioral science, humans evolved a broad array of prosocial acts. And it feels good to help others, partly as a result (see Wilson, 2007). Help someone with a project. Pick something up at the store and surprise someone in your life. Donate to a charitable cause that matters to you. Message an old friend and tell them that you are just thinking of them.

Prosocial acts of any size can have positive effects and they cost almost nothing. Rarely do people regret having engaged in altruistic acts; this fact seems built into our evolution.

5. Create something and share it with someone you care about.
Humans are a deeply creative ape (see Miller, 2000). In fact, creativity seems to be a core part of our evolved psychology. Writing poetry, painting, creating music, etc.—these activities all evolved to help us share and to demonstrate features of our internal psychology to others. And it is fun!

Even if it as simple as writing a 25-word poem for someone you care about, I'd advise to create something every day—and share the product with someone you love. Given how deeply creativity is embedded in our evolved psychology, you won't be sorry.

Bottom Line
Life is hard. The evolutionary perspective on the human condition can help us make it better. Understanding our evolved psychology can help us to thrive in so many ways.

I hope that this list of five simple kinds of actions that we can do each and every day helps provide something of a guide in terms of how to live the good life.

Want to be your best self and live your best life? Pay attention to the work of evolutionary science; you won't regret it.