Doctors are important people in our lives. They keep us healthy and safe; they are the experts we turn to when our physical health falters. But sometimes, we might feel intimidated in their presence, telling ourselves they are all-knowing and that we don’t have a voice when we are in the examination room. We may even feel embarrassed or ashamed to share that we feel uncomfortable or nervous during an appointment. For many people, physical health and illness can be a source of anxiety, so feeling worried during an appointment is not only nothing to feel ashamed about, it’s also an important reason to speak up.

When we speak about something, we release it from festering inside us. Sometimes, the simple act of putting words around a feeling is enough to ease our emotional discomfort. When, a few years ago, I expressed to my primary care doctor that I often feel nervous at medical appointments and that I have experienced illness anxiety, she was grateful that I shared this information. She made a concerted effort to reassure me throughout my check-up, explaining what she was doing and why. In future appointments, she was sure to keep my health anxiety in mind and to be understanding and compassionate. It was so simple, yet it had taken me many years to actually share my anxious feelings at a medical appointment. I first had to release feelings of shame and recognize that it was OK to feel nervous.

Self-advocacy can take many different forms. Here are some ways we can advocate for ourselves in medical settings:

• Express your emotions and feelings without being ashamed; recognize that you are an important voice in any discussion about your health.
• Ask questions and request clarification for anything you feel confused or nervous about.
• Share your mental health history with your provider so that they can form a complete picture of what you are experiencing.
• Understand your rights as a patient, including those regarding the release of information and your provider’s obligation to provide requested information, results, and treatment history.

Why is it that patients are often hesitant to advocate for themselves at medical appointments? Here are some common reasons:

• Fear that you will be shamed or invalidated for sharing your feelings.
• A misunderstanding of the roles at an appointment: A doctor’s legal and ethical obligation is to treat you, which includes answering questions, providing information and education, and ensuring that you are comfortable with your treatment.
• An incorrect belief that a medical office is not an appropriate place to discuss emotions, and that it should be a place only to discuss physical problems.
• A lack of understanding that the physical can affect the emotional, and vice versa.

While your doctor is responsible for your treatment, you are responsible for reporting what you are feeling and experiencing. This includes not only physical symptoms and concerns, but also how your emotions are affected. Speaking up when you are feeling nervous serves a few important purposes:

• It helps your provider understand how your emotions are affected by your physical condition.
• It allows your provider to receive a complete picture of what you are experiencing.
• It informs your provider about how to proceed with treatment.
• It allows you to let go of feeling shame or humiliation about feeling anxious.
• It helps you to advocate for yourself and ensure that you are an integral part of your medical treatment.

My doctor may never realize how important her understanding of my emotions has been. Her compassion has helped me to stay on top of my health without resorting to anxiety-based behaviors. But I’ll give myself some of the credit, too: I shared something that seemed shameful and made me feel vulnerable. Ultimately, though, it was something that is human and that has been helpful and healing to share.