Anger can catalyze change, a signal for setting boundaries, or even a protective response to perceived threats. Yet, when this potent emotion is not expressed constructively or is misdirected towards our loved ones, it can wreak havoc.

When anger becomes the dominant force in a situation, it can lead to what research refers to as emotional flooding. During this experience, individuals are engulfed by a surge of intense emotions that impede clear judgment and make them extremely defensive.

On the other end of the spectrum, suppressing or denying anger is also not an effective strategy for managing it. It can lead to newer, more complicated emotional issues and might even cause worse anger outbursts.

So, what can you do when you find yourself overwhelmed by anger? The key is to understand its underlying causes and channel it in a way that honors your feelings and those of your loved ones.

Here are three things you can try to get to the root of the issue.

1. Notice Your Patterns

Notice your anger triggers so you're able to recognize the early warning signs of an impending outburst, which is a crucial component of effective anger management. This self-awareness empowers you to proactively develop strategies for constructively handling anger. To identify triggers and early sign:

• Employ self-reflection. Start by looking inward. Take time to reflect on what exactly triggers your anger. Factors may include stress, frustration, feeling unheard, or encountering specific behaviors or actions that push your buttons.
• Notice bodily cues. In addition to identifying your triggers, pay close attention to the physical and emotional signals that precede an anger outburst. These may manifest as increased heart rate, muscle tension, clenched fists, shallow breathing, or a surge of irritability. Once you have identified the signs, you can intervene before your anger escalates to an unmanageable level. Strategies such as the following can be a good starting point.
• Take a time-out. Take short breaks to cool off before reacting. For example, if you feel anger rising during a tense family gathering due to differing opinions, take a brief 15-minute break: step outside and practice deep breathing and mindfulness to calm your thoughts. You can return for a more constructive and less confrontational discussion.
• Get moving. Regular exercise, like workouts, jogging, or brisk walks, can calm anger. A study published in Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise found that exercise reduces anger and prevents it from getting worse. It also helps release built-up tension.

2. Examine Family-Modeled Patterns

How you show anger is often reflected in how your family members cope with anger and other uncomfortable emotions. These patterns can affect how you deal with anger in your adult relationships. It’s important to realize that your family’s way of dealing with anger might not always be healthy or serve your present scenario.

Here, it becomes important to self-assess to see if these learned behaviors manifest in your current relationships. To do so:

• Reflect on family patterns. How did your family typically react when someone expressed anger? Did your family encourage open communication about emotions, including anger, or was it discouraged? Can you recall any incidents related to anger within your family that impacted you? Identifying these patterns can offer valuable insights into the role of anger in your upbringing and its potential influence on your current approach to managing anger in relationships.
• Work on communication skills. To diffuse the destructive effects of angry reactions, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when plans change without notice,” instead of “You always change plans without considering me.” “I” statements are more constructive as they encourage personal responsibility and empathetic conversations.
• Give therapy a shot. Research suggests that therapy is a highly effective method for addressing and modifying these learned behaviors and managing maladaptive anger. Therapists can create a safe, non-judgmental space for you to explore and understand the roots of your anger, empowering you to make intentional changes.

3. Watch Out for Situation-Specific Anger

A study exploring anger triggers revealed that physical pain, unpleasant conditions, and social stress can significantly contribute to anger, even if they are not the main cause.

This phenomenon becomes apparent during challenging periods in our lives, such as when we are struggling with health issues or grappling with family or work-related stress. When emotions unexpectedly overflow into our personal lives, anger outbursts or maladaptive conflict strategies, like the silent treatment, become likely.

Psychologists refer to this as “displacement,” a defense mechanism in which anger is redirected from an overwhelming source to something less risky, often a partner, another loved one, or a subordinate at work.

Imagine a scenario where you return home after a tough workday. You see a sink full of dirty dishes and your partner relaxing, seemingly unperturbed by the chaos. In your tired and stressed state, anger wells up inside you.

In such a situation, instead of reacting impulsively, follow these two steps to prevent hasty, displaced accusations that could hurt your partner.

1. Remind yourself that your emotions are heightened due to current challenges.
2. Pause and ask: “What feelings am I experiencing right now, and how might they be coloring my perception of this situation?” and “Am I reacting to this situation differently than I usually would because of my current emotional state?”

In essence, examining the situation objectively creates distance between your intense feelings and compulsive reactions that could result from them, leading to a heated argument or an emotional outburst.

Conclusion

Anger is a powerful emotion that can be harnessed for positive change when managed effectively. Remember: Managing misdirected anger takes time and practice. It's important to prioritize progress over perfection and remember to be patient and self-compassionate. Working on your anger management skills increases your chances of leading a healthier and more harmonious life with your loved ones.