I once read of a mom who let her child with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) keep his clean clothes in a laundry basket instead of insisting he put them neatly away in a dresser drawer or hang them in the closet. Parents of neurotypical children may be appalled by this. It’s just not that hard to put away clean clothes. Or is it? Neurodivergent kids are not like everyone else; they may not get through a task that is easy for most or they may have to try harder to be successful. ADHD expert Dr. William Dodson describes it best: "As if they were immigrants, they were told to assimilate into the dominant culture and become like everyone else. Unfortunately, no one told them how to do this."

We learn there is an acceptable way to do something.

When our son who has ADHD entered high school, my primary focus was how to get him into college, making sure he took honors and advanced placement classes, and maintained a high-enough GPA. College was the logical, and accepted, next step. My traditional line of thinking continued until I listened to a TEDx Talk by Inventive Labs founder Rick Fiery, who helps neurodivergent individuals find their path to success. Fiery challenged our commonly accepted views like the assumption of a nine-to-five job, or the idea that attending college after high school is a requirement. Was I pushing my son in the wrong direction? Maybe college wasn’t his only option. I began to understand the mom who didn’t force her son to put away his laundry, and now I applaud her line of thinking.

Neurodivergent kids are constantly forced to abide by the rules, to fit in and follow the crowd, because most of us, mistakenly, believe that is the only way to be successful. There is no shortage of ADHD resources that mention an inability to follow rules as one of the behavioral characteristics of ADHD. However, rules are not made with neurodiversity in mind, and can constantly remind those with ADHD of their shortcomings.

Although flexibility is important when it comes to neurodiverse thinkers, structure is still necessary for kids with ADHD. A routine is valuable for helping kids with ADHD to get out the door on time in the morning and to complete school assignments and chores. However, sometimes it’s OK to bend the rules.

Parents need to get creative.

One benefit of neurodiversity is creative, outside-the-box thinking. As parents, we should take cues from our ADHD kids and find creative solutions to help them. We need to let go of how something is “supposed” to be done and focus on working with our kids’ neurodivergent brains to help them complete tasks in a way that works best for them.

When my son was in elementary and middle school, it was common practice for each teacher to want a binder organized in a particular way for his/her class. So, my son would end up with four or five binders, each with four or five sections, to keep track of. This is a monumental task for someone with executive functioning deficits and poor working memory skills. My son could barely keep track of one binder, never mind four or five! With this multiple-binder system, my son never seemed to have the correct materials to complete homework or study for a test (there were countless trips back to the school after hours to retrieve binders out of his locker—although there was no guarantee the materials he needed were even in the appropriate binder). Invariably, incomplete or forgotten homework assignments or a failing grade on a test would leave my son feeling frustrated and like a failure.

It was time for me to be a creative, outside-the-box thinker. Why couldn’t my son have one binder or folder with dividers for each class? With only one place to stuff all school-related papers, the likelihood that he would bring home what he needed was bound to increase (hopefully). This small change had a huge impact on my son’s grades and his confidence. As parents, we want to give our neurodivergent kids every opportunity to succeed, and if that means explaining to a teacher why your child doesn’t have a specific binder for his/her class, then so be it.

In high school, my son would listen to the audiobook versions of required reading for his English classes. In fact, one book was more interesting to him since it was narrated by an actor he liked. Most kids with ADHD, like my son, have difficulty maintaining focus while reading, often struggling to get past one page. Did it matter that he listened to a book being read instead? Not one bit. He was still learning, just in a way that worked better for his neurodivergent brain.

Schools can change how they teach.

Educator and ADHD advocate Suzanne Robertshaw simulates for educators what it is like to have a learning difference, like ADHD. For example, she asks teachers to recall information she presents (names, dates, places) without the use of notes while loud noises occur in the background. The teachers report feeling “stupid” or “frustrated” after Robertshaw’s simulations. What if classroom instruction was designed to be inclusive of neurodivergent thinkers?

Fugate et al. (2013) suggest that emphasizing creativity in the classroom as a tool may enhance learning in neurodivergent thinkers. I saw this firsthand with my son. When he was in elementary school, one of his math teachers used visual representations of mathematical concepts. My son excelled in his math class with this new way of teaching, winning a national award for excellence in math. In an interview about his ADHD, my son commented that when teachers understood the way he learned and they were flexible, he did much better.