Source: Pexels/Karolina Grabowski

Do you ever find yourself feeling increasingly tense, irritable, depleted, or confused after an encounter with a friend, relative, teammate, group member, or co-worker? If so, don't automatically dismiss it as "a bad day" or "a bad mood" on your end. It may well be your mind and body signaling to you that there's an energy burglar in your midst.

Energy burglars are cleverly effective at weaving their way into unsuspecting victims' lives, where they feed off your energy like a leech, leaving you feeling physically exhausted and emotionally depleted after each interaction. Over time, these interactions can have a cumulative effect, leading to chronic stress and a host of related long-term physical and emotional problems. That's why it's important to recognize an energy burglar when you see one and to have effective strategies to deal with the ones who have found their way into your life.

Tell-tale Signs of Energy Burglars

Although energy burglars often can mask their identity early on in encounters and relationships, it usually doesn't take long for their true nature to emerge. It may start off with a negative or critical comment here or there, but as soon as they begin to feel comfortable with you or the group they've infiltrated, their seemingly insatiable hunger for negativity will become increasingly apparent. Although not all energy burglars will have all of these characteristics, here are some of the most common:

• Being overly critical, finding fault with just about everyone and everything in their lives.
• Chronic complainers, rarely finding anything to their liking or satisfaction.
• Rarely willing to accept responsibility for their actions, preferring to blame everyone and everything for their behavior and their problems.
• A flair for the dramatic, tending to create crises where there are none, then sitting back and enjoying the show they've purposefully orchestrated.
• Argumentative, having trouble agreeing with others, even on things that seem insignificant or inconsequential.
• Relentless when it comes to not taking no for an answer.
• Hypocritical, saying one thing to your face and another behind your back.

With such off-putting and negative characteristics, you're likely wondering, "How does anyone ever let someone like this into their life?" In some cases, the person may be a relative that you feel obligated to tolerate or a coworker that you can't avoid interacting with if you want to keep your job. In other cases, it might be a friend you "inherited" through another friendship or a teammate or group member that's part of a cohort that's important to you. Sometimes, it's a friend who started off as fun, bold, or quirky, and only later do you realize what you've gotten yourself into. Other times, relationships with energy burglars are purposeful, often because you thought you could help or change them until, of course, you find yourself getting sucked deeper and deeper into their seemingly never-ending despair and darkness.

But regardless of how they entered your life, there is no reason to allow them to steal it from you. Here are five steps to help you reclaim your time, space, and happiness from energy burglars.

1. Recognize their ploys. Although energy burglars have many effective tools in their toolbox to keep their victims intrigued and entrenched (e.g., their gossip may leave you wanting to hear more; the drama they create may be entertaining; their hard-luck stories may suck you in), you need to recognize these ploys for what they are—manipulative ways to keep you in the relationship so they can feed off your energy.
2. Trust your body. Once you allow yourself to recognize the multitude of manipulations they're using to keep you involved in their pathology, you'll be better able to see that the physical and emotional costs of a relationship with an energy burglar outweigh the benefits. Whenever you leave an encounter feeling depleted, sad, stressed, irritable, and/or confused, your body is sending you a loud and clear message. Listen to it and trust what it's telling you.
3. Protect your time and energy. In order to protect yourself from the onslaught of negativity that energy burglars bring to your life, you have to find ways to limit the amount of energy you give and the time you spend with them. If you can detach completely, then do it. However, more often than not, complete detachment isn't possible or feasible. In these situations, it's critical that you set firm limits. For example, when the person starts an interaction in a way that you sense is going to become overly dramatic, intrusive, or otherwise time-consuming, politely interrupt and set a firm limit, such as "I only have a minute before I have to [fill in the blank]" or, "I don't have the time to get into that right now." Whatever limit you set, however, be sure to stick to it and disengage. If an energy burglar sees a crack in your armor, they're going to plow right through it.
4. Protect your happiness. Be prepared that as soon as you set firm limits with an energy burglar, the antics that they've successfully used to keep you sucked into the relationship in the first place are going to increase. When this happens, remember that you're not only protecting your time and energy, you're protecting your happiness.
5. Set limits with firm, respectful statements, not speeches or questions. Setting firm limits doesn't mean that you have to be insensitive or rude. Firmness can be wielded in kind and empathic ways. For example, for those who are overly needy or insecure and constantly seek your guidance, resist the urge to offer them solutions that they're going to resist or dismiss anyway. Instead, say something like, "I think it's important that you try to find your own answers to [that problem], and I'm confident that you're capable of doing that," then politely excuse yourself. Whatever words you choose to use, keep it short and sweet. Speeches won't have an impact on an energy burglar anyway, and they'll just use up more of your time and energy. Also, make sure to set limits using statements, not questions. For example, "Have you considered getting professional guidance?" extends the conversation, which you don't want to do, whereas, "Maybe you should consider getting professional guidance," is a statement that you can (and should) use to end the discussion and disengage.

Energy is not infinite, so it's up to you to protect it, especially from those who use it to fuel their negativity and darkness and pull you into it with them. In the words of author Allistar McCaw, "There are two types of people in this world—the energy takers and the energy givers. Surround yourself with those who energize you, not those who suck the life out of you."