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  • 4 Contributors to Heterosexual Women’s Low Sexual Desire.
    2. Having to be a partner’s mother dampens women’s sexual desire.
    Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

    KEY POINTS-
    A recent study found that lower female libido can result from many societal norms, especially related to heterosexual couples.
    Sex is often seen and related only to reproduction, placing women in a box of being a “mother” and a “caretaker.”
    Objectification and inequitable gendered divisions of labor lead to inequitable gendered divisions of desire.
    In a recent study titled “The Heteronormativity Theory of Low Sexual Desire in Women Partnered With Men,” researchers Sari M. van Anders et al. found that lower female libido can result from many societal norms, especially related to heterosexual couples. This article is extremely important since low sexual desire is a common, though not-often-talked-about, sexual struggle for women and a frequent treatment goal of sex therapy clients and couples in therapy practice.

    Sex is often seen and related only to reproduction (van Anders et al.), placing women in a box of being a “mother” and a “caretaker.” Studies have found that men do not share parenting and housekeeping responsibilities equally, which creates resentment from their female partners and decreases the desire for partnered sex. Although more recent studies show an increase in men’s domestic contributions in heterosexual marriages, women still do most of the chores and/or family organization leading to lower satisfaction with their marriage, as stated in the article “Perceived Housework Equity, Marital Happiness, and Divorce in Dual-Earner Households” by Michelle Frisco and Kristi Williams, which isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac in the desire department for women.

    van Anders et al. found four predictions of how heterosexual relationships lead to low sexual desire:

    1. Inequitable gendered divisions of labor lead to inequitable gendered divisions of desire.
    Women are often responsible for relationship maintenance and family management. Women also often do recurring chores like cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, and laundry. These are all considered “low-schedule control” tasks.

    Men often take care of “high-schedule control” chores like house and car maintenance and paying bills, which are performed less frequently and with more flexibility. These differences in chores and responsibilities can cause stress on the women in the relationship, leading to low sexual desire.

    Women can often feel more like a mother than a partner, and society regularly desexualizes mothers and parenting. Men may have more time to spend on being a “partner.” Women are expected to achieve more in the house. Women have to ask men to share the responsibility or “nag” them to be equals in the house. Marginalized women often have a harder time asking for and receiving help, and women who rely on men financially often have a harder time standing up for themselves or feeling like they have a right to ask for more help with the house and kids.

    These inequities between partners often have negative effects on the sexual aspects of a relationship. Tasks at home can add up to a lot of stress. With chores constantly being added to the to-do list, women feel like sex gets relegated to a lower priority. One woman stated she “would rather make sure the bills are paid, clean the house, do things that need to get done than participate in sexual activity.”

    2. Having to be a partner’s mother dampens women’s sexual desire.
    Heterosexual couples have traditionally thrust women into the role of nurturer and caregiver. Once children enter the picture, relationships can go from partner-partner to mother-child, with one partner becoming caregiver dependent. Women will do the same tasks for their husbands/partners that they do for their children, including:

    Reminding/planning/organizing of chores and social events.
    Buying clothes.
    Planning/shopping/preparing dinner every night.
    Heterosexual male partners/husbands sometimes still expect their partner/wives to care for them like their mom did, as it is what was modeled for them in their parents’ marriages. This is not usually a role women choose to have between them and their partners, which can frequently lessen their sexual desire.

    3. Objectification of women downregulates women’s desire.
    Heteronormativity focuses on women’s sexual appearance over their pleasure. Women are taught early on to appear sexy rather than feel their sexuality for themselves. Women are for men to get enjoyment from, making women’s wants and need a low priority. Men believe women’s bodies are offered to them as part of a marriage contract. They can have sex whenever they feel like it, and the women are expected to consent. Women’s desire is often based on whether men find them desirable, causing women to feel like they need to spend a lot of time on their appearance for the other.

    The study found that women who have lower self-esteem tended to have lower sexual desire and lower sexual pleasure. In many cultures and families, children are taught that women’s genitals are “dirty” or nonsexual. This belief can distract women as adults during sex and lead to low self-esteem. Sex education focuses on the vagina as a reproductive organ rather than focusing on the clitoris, vulva, and labia, which are the pleasure centers of the female genitalia. The study observed that men view sex as a way to show off their technical skills, often viewing access to women’s sexuality as a trophy to be won rather than focusing on women’s enjoyment during sex.

    4. Gender norms surrounding sexual initiation contribute to women’s low sexual desire.
    Sex often starts when men initiate it, and some women feel uncomfortable making the first move. Women are taught to want to have sex when men are ready. They are shamed for having their own desire, having been called a “slut” if they initiate too directly. Yet when women turn down a sexual initiation, they have traditionally been labeled a “prude,” “stuck up,” or a “tease.”

    The study shows that women reported feeling like masturbating might be seen as cheating by their partners, so they avoid solo sex even if they want to. Heterosexual sex is painted as real sex, traditionally shown as offering a low rate of orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. When sex does not lead to sexual pleasure, it reduces one's sex drive. Women continuously say that they view sex as a “job requirement.” The study states that “Women may be unable to refuse sex because of justified fears of violence or resource withdrawal…” That is why “marital rape” needs to be discussed much more widely.

    Stress, Future Research, and Treatment
    Stress is a major contributing factor to low sexual desire. Women may feel stress from pregnancy, whether wanted or not, babies/children, physical pain from breastfeeding, carrying, rocking, lifting, and sexual abuse.

    Unfortunately, most research on women's sexuality is still done with white, middle-class, able-bodied, heterosexual, cisgender, and monogamous women, so any women outside of these categories should and do feel like they cannot get evidence-based answers or care for their low desire or other sexual questions and needs. As sex therapists and general psychotherapists, we witness how individual cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy, and couples counseling can improve concerns related to low female desire, decreased sex in relationships and marriages, as well as lower intimacy and attachment in relationships.

    As a systemically oriented couples and certified sex therapist, I am also aware that sexual desire is an intersectional experience and has to be addressed by using thorough biopsychocultural-spiritual assessments and collaborative treatment goals.
    4 Contributors to Heterosexual Women’s Low Sexual Desire. 2. Having to be a partner’s mother dampens women’s sexual desire. Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster KEY POINTS- A recent study found that lower female libido can result from many societal norms, especially related to heterosexual couples. Sex is often seen and related only to reproduction, placing women in a box of being a “mother” and a “caretaker.” Objectification and inequitable gendered divisions of labor lead to inequitable gendered divisions of desire. In a recent study titled “The Heteronormativity Theory of Low Sexual Desire in Women Partnered With Men,” researchers Sari M. van Anders et al. found that lower female libido can result from many societal norms, especially related to heterosexual couples. This article is extremely important since low sexual desire is a common, though not-often-talked-about, sexual struggle for women and a frequent treatment goal of sex therapy clients and couples in therapy practice. Sex is often seen and related only to reproduction (van Anders et al.), placing women in a box of being a “mother” and a “caretaker.” Studies have found that men do not share parenting and housekeeping responsibilities equally, which creates resentment from their female partners and decreases the desire for partnered sex. Although more recent studies show an increase in men’s domestic contributions in heterosexual marriages, women still do most of the chores and/or family organization leading to lower satisfaction with their marriage, as stated in the article “Perceived Housework Equity, Marital Happiness, and Divorce in Dual-Earner Households” by Michelle Frisco and Kristi Williams, which isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac in the desire department for women. van Anders et al. found four predictions of how heterosexual relationships lead to low sexual desire: 1. Inequitable gendered divisions of labor lead to inequitable gendered divisions of desire. Women are often responsible for relationship maintenance and family management. Women also often do recurring chores like cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, and laundry. These are all considered “low-schedule control” tasks. Men often take care of “high-schedule control” chores like house and car maintenance and paying bills, which are performed less frequently and with more flexibility. These differences in chores and responsibilities can cause stress on the women in the relationship, leading to low sexual desire. Women can often feel more like a mother than a partner, and society regularly desexualizes mothers and parenting. Men may have more time to spend on being a “partner.” Women are expected to achieve more in the house. Women have to ask men to share the responsibility or “nag” them to be equals in the house. Marginalized women often have a harder time asking for and receiving help, and women who rely on men financially often have a harder time standing up for themselves or feeling like they have a right to ask for more help with the house and kids. These inequities between partners often have negative effects on the sexual aspects of a relationship. Tasks at home can add up to a lot of stress. With chores constantly being added to the to-do list, women feel like sex gets relegated to a lower priority. One woman stated she “would rather make sure the bills are paid, clean the house, do things that need to get done than participate in sexual activity.” 2. Having to be a partner’s mother dampens women’s sexual desire. Heterosexual couples have traditionally thrust women into the role of nurturer and caregiver. Once children enter the picture, relationships can go from partner-partner to mother-child, with one partner becoming caregiver dependent. Women will do the same tasks for their husbands/partners that they do for their children, including: Reminding/planning/organizing of chores and social events. Buying clothes. Planning/shopping/preparing dinner every night. Heterosexual male partners/husbands sometimes still expect their partner/wives to care for them like their mom did, as it is what was modeled for them in their parents’ marriages. This is not usually a role women choose to have between them and their partners, which can frequently lessen their sexual desire. 3. Objectification of women downregulates women’s desire. Heteronormativity focuses on women’s sexual appearance over their pleasure. Women are taught early on to appear sexy rather than feel their sexuality for themselves. Women are for men to get enjoyment from, making women’s wants and need a low priority. Men believe women’s bodies are offered to them as part of a marriage contract. They can have sex whenever they feel like it, and the women are expected to consent. Women’s desire is often based on whether men find them desirable, causing women to feel like they need to spend a lot of time on their appearance for the other. The study found that women who have lower self-esteem tended to have lower sexual desire and lower sexual pleasure. In many cultures and families, children are taught that women’s genitals are “dirty” or nonsexual. This belief can distract women as adults during sex and lead to low self-esteem. Sex education focuses on the vagina as a reproductive organ rather than focusing on the clitoris, vulva, and labia, which are the pleasure centers of the female genitalia. The study observed that men view sex as a way to show off their technical skills, often viewing access to women’s sexuality as a trophy to be won rather than focusing on women’s enjoyment during sex. 4. Gender norms surrounding sexual initiation contribute to women’s low sexual desire. Sex often starts when men initiate it, and some women feel uncomfortable making the first move. Women are taught to want to have sex when men are ready. They are shamed for having their own desire, having been called a “slut” if they initiate too directly. Yet when women turn down a sexual initiation, they have traditionally been labeled a “prude,” “stuck up,” or a “tease.” The study shows that women reported feeling like masturbating might be seen as cheating by their partners, so they avoid solo sex even if they want to. Heterosexual sex is painted as real sex, traditionally shown as offering a low rate of orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. When sex does not lead to sexual pleasure, it reduces one's sex drive. Women continuously say that they view sex as a “job requirement.” The study states that “Women may be unable to refuse sex because of justified fears of violence or resource withdrawal…” That is why “marital rape” needs to be discussed much more widely. Stress, Future Research, and Treatment Stress is a major contributing factor to low sexual desire. Women may feel stress from pregnancy, whether wanted or not, babies/children, physical pain from breastfeeding, carrying, rocking, lifting, and sexual abuse. Unfortunately, most research on women's sexuality is still done with white, middle-class, able-bodied, heterosexual, cisgender, and monogamous women, so any women outside of these categories should and do feel like they cannot get evidence-based answers or care for their low desire or other sexual questions and needs. As sex therapists and general psychotherapists, we witness how individual cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy, and couples counseling can improve concerns related to low female desire, decreased sex in relationships and marriages, as well as lower intimacy and attachment in relationships. As a systemically oriented couples and certified sex therapist, I am also aware that sexual desire is an intersectional experience and has to be addressed by using thorough biopsychocultural-spiritual assessments and collaborative treatment goals.
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  • This One Thing Increases a Woman’s Desire for Sex in Midlife.
    A new study helps women struggling with low sexual desire.
    Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

    KEY POINTS-
    Research shows that a woman’s interest in sex and the frequency with which she has it tends to decline more during midlife than men’s.
    A new study suggests that the biggest factor for a woman's decreased sexual interest might be exhaustion from a collision of responsibilities.
    We need to acknowledge that though important, it isn’t just menopause and hormones undermining women’s sex lives.

    Research shows that, on average, a woman’s interest in sex and the frequency with which she has it tends to decline more during midlife than men’s. Sometimes this fading of desire accompanies a decline in sexual satisfaction, especially if the reason for the dying flame is due to unresolved relationship dynamics that plague the relationship. In other instances, sexual intimacy doesn’t necessarily correlate with less relationship satisfaction, but women might still experience it as something that feels “missing.”

    The reasons for declining desire among women in midlife have been studied extensively. Survey data has identified a wide range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors. For example, hormonal changes associated with menopause are often blamed, along with the related weight gain, mood changes, and sleep disturbances that often impact a woman’s perceived sexual attractiveness, an especially pernicious trend in a culture that values youth and beauty for women.

    In addition, midlife tends to bring on a wave of responsibilities for women that seemingly collide all at once. The burden of caring for children as well as older parents while simultaneously managing a career can feel overwhelming.

    The question is, how do we tease apart the myriad of causes so that we know which ones to first address? How do we untangle all the factors? Where do we begin when it comes to improving women’s sex lives?

    A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research provides an interesting clue. The authors analyzed data from the British National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, which included 2133 female participants. In addition, the researchers layered in qualitative data gathered from interviews with some of the actual women from the study.

    What is the main thing that leads to a decline in sexual interest in women in midlife?
    The answer is both unsurprising and yet profound, and it comes down to one thing; exhaustion.

    In a world where women are forced to assume an inordinate number of potential roles–mother, wife, daughter, “career woman,” school parent volunteer, house cleaner, grocery shopper, errand runner, birthday party and after-school activity planner–it’s not shocking that women’s desire for sex diminishes. A diminishment is especially so when research shows that despite their growing careers, heterosexual women still typically do more emotional and household labor than their husbands.

    Where do we go from here? We need to acknowledge that though important, it isn’t just menopause and hormones undermining women’s sex lives. It’s that they’re tired. Really tired.

    Here are some ideas for how to solve this issue.
    Encourage women to “let it go.” This means acknowledging that one’s house does not have to be perfectly clean and organized and that your school-aged children and adult partner can meet more of their needs than you likely are giving them credit for. Take a page from the movie Bad Moms and embrace imperfection.

    Encourage the partners of women in relationships to assume more responsibility. This is true for the dishes and laundry and all the emotional labor that goes into running a household. Your partner should help plan activities and anticipate important events.
    Encourage women to engage in self-care. This means doing things that introduce pleasure and positive emotions into their lives. Research by Barbara Fredrickson shows that positive emotions build ego resilience, making us better able to handle the challenges of everyday life. Women shouldn't think of pleasure as a “treat.” It’s a vital ingredient to mental health.
    Encourage women to employ help. If possible, lean on family and friends to lend support, to either decrease the load or offer emotional support. If you can afford to, hire help. There is no shame in outsourcing what women can outsource.

    It’s important to recognize that we all deserve to be happy and sexually fulfilled, whatever that may look like for a person, individually. Taking active steps to prevent exhaustion might be the most important thing a woman and her partner can do to foster an active, healthy sex life.
    This One Thing Increases a Woman’s Desire for Sex in Midlife. A new study helps women struggling with low sexual desire. Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster KEY POINTS- Research shows that a woman’s interest in sex and the frequency with which she has it tends to decline more during midlife than men’s. A new study suggests that the biggest factor for a woman's decreased sexual interest might be exhaustion from a collision of responsibilities. We need to acknowledge that though important, it isn’t just menopause and hormones undermining women’s sex lives. Research shows that, on average, a woman’s interest in sex and the frequency with which she has it tends to decline more during midlife than men’s. Sometimes this fading of desire accompanies a decline in sexual satisfaction, especially if the reason for the dying flame is due to unresolved relationship dynamics that plague the relationship. In other instances, sexual intimacy doesn’t necessarily correlate with less relationship satisfaction, but women might still experience it as something that feels “missing.” The reasons for declining desire among women in midlife have been studied extensively. Survey data has identified a wide range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors. For example, hormonal changes associated with menopause are often blamed, along with the related weight gain, mood changes, and sleep disturbances that often impact a woman’s perceived sexual attractiveness, an especially pernicious trend in a culture that values youth and beauty for women. In addition, midlife tends to bring on a wave of responsibilities for women that seemingly collide all at once. The burden of caring for children as well as older parents while simultaneously managing a career can feel overwhelming. The question is, how do we tease apart the myriad of causes so that we know which ones to first address? How do we untangle all the factors? Where do we begin when it comes to improving women’s sex lives? A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research provides an interesting clue. The authors analyzed data from the British National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, which included 2133 female participants. In addition, the researchers layered in qualitative data gathered from interviews with some of the actual women from the study. What is the main thing that leads to a decline in sexual interest in women in midlife? The answer is both unsurprising and yet profound, and it comes down to one thing; exhaustion. In a world where women are forced to assume an inordinate number of potential roles–mother, wife, daughter, “career woman,” school parent volunteer, house cleaner, grocery shopper, errand runner, birthday party and after-school activity planner–it’s not shocking that women’s desire for sex diminishes. A diminishment is especially so when research shows that despite their growing careers, heterosexual women still typically do more emotional and household labor than their husbands. Where do we go from here? We need to acknowledge that though important, it isn’t just menopause and hormones undermining women’s sex lives. It’s that they’re tired. Really tired. Here are some ideas for how to solve this issue. Encourage women to “let it go.” This means acknowledging that one’s house does not have to be perfectly clean and organized and that your school-aged children and adult partner can meet more of their needs than you likely are giving them credit for. Take a page from the movie Bad Moms and embrace imperfection. Encourage the partners of women in relationships to assume more responsibility. This is true for the dishes and laundry and all the emotional labor that goes into running a household. Your partner should help plan activities and anticipate important events. Encourage women to engage in self-care. This means doing things that introduce pleasure and positive emotions into their lives. Research by Barbara Fredrickson shows that positive emotions build ego resilience, making us better able to handle the challenges of everyday life. Women shouldn't think of pleasure as a “treat.” It’s a vital ingredient to mental health. Encourage women to employ help. If possible, lean on family and friends to lend support, to either decrease the load or offer emotional support. If you can afford to, hire help. There is no shame in outsourcing what women can outsource. It’s important to recognize that we all deserve to be happy and sexually fulfilled, whatever that may look like for a person, individually. Taking active steps to prevent exhaustion might be the most important thing a woman and her partner can do to foster an active, healthy sex life.
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  • PSYCHOSIS-
    Communicating Effectively with Loved Ones Who Have Psychosis.
    Tips for navigating a complicated disorder.
    Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano

    KEY POINTS-
    Psychosis is an often-misunderstood, highly stigmatized psychological condition.
    If you have a loved one who is suffering from psychosis, you can help reduce symptoms by cultivating an open, trusting relationship with them.
    You can provide your loved one with the security they need to recover by showing up for them consistently and predictably.
    Psychosis is a widely misunderstood, highly stigmatized psychological condition. Despite the fact that individuals with psychosis pose a greater threat to themselves than to anyone else, they’re often portrayed as dangerous. This misperception increases the chances they'll face severe discrimination and social isolation, making it more difficult for them to get the help they need to recover and live personally gratifying lives.

    Strong support networks can counteract the negative effects of the misinformation surrounding this condition. If you have a loved one who is suffering from psychosis, you can help reduce the severity of their symptoms by cultivating an open, trusting relationship with them. Doing so requires frequent communication, and although the cognitive and emotional effects of psychosis can make that challenging, there are steps you can take to overcome barriers and connect meaningfully with your loved one.

    1. Understand what psychosis is and how it affects your loved one.
    Broadly, psychosis refers to a disruption in an individual's experience of reality. It can be caused by a mental health condition, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, or it can be triggered by environmental factors, such as prolonged sleep deprivation, certain prescription drugs, or substance abuse. Symptoms can manifest as delusions, which are false beliefs, or hallucinations, which are false perceptions. While not objectively real, delusions and hallucinations are present and palpable to the individuals in whom they occur. At minimum, they're extremely distracting; often, they're downright distressing.

    As a result, psychosis is often accompanied by disorganized thoughts and speech, executive dysfunction, and odd and/or misplaced behaviors. Meet such symptoms with compassion, and avoid becoming frustrated with your loved one for any impulsivity or lack of focus they may exhibit. If you persist in conversing with them in spite of the impediments, you may find that their symptoms cause less interference as time goes on. There is evidence that the act of speaking itself can reduce the severity of certain types of hallucinations.

    An individual's first psychotic episode often occurs during young adulthood, interrupting a critical phase of growth. Consequently, many who suffer from the condition feel robbed of key life experiences. If your loved one has or is expressing interest in starting a job, dating, or another "normal" young adult activity, don’t waive that off as untenable because of their condition. Doing so could fuel resentment between you and your loved one, preventing the cultivation of a trusting relationship. Instead, facilitate an honest discussion about how your loved one could pursue their interests with their condition. Not only will this reinforce the notion that you are their ally but it will also help them become more self-aware.

    2. Set the stage for effective communication.
    The symptoms associated with psychosis can be extremely sensitive to environmental conditions. This is why it's important to select a setting for interactions with your loved one that they find comfortable. If they feel as though they’re being surveilled when out in public, for example, don’t invite them to a coffee shop. Instead, meet them at home, and ensure that the room in which you initiate conversation is uncluttered. An orderly environment is soothing for everyone, especially those with high degrees of internal stimulation.

    The space in which you choose to interact with your loved one should be orderly and also free of triggering objects. Say your loved one believes that the CIA has tapped all of the devices in their house. You can prevent the belief from derailing your communication attempts by putting all electronics temporarily out of sight.

    You can also choose to interact with your loved one outdoors. Walking promotes focus and stimulates creativity; it can be an extremely effective tool for encouraging the taciturn to volunteer more information. Be sure to choose a route that’s relatively free of noise, crowds, and other distractions. The more tranquil the context, the less disruptive your loved one’s symptoms will be.

    In general, individuals with psychosis tend to fare much better in one-on-one conversations than in groups. Group dynamics can be overwhelming and even distressing; those who suffer from paranoia may be especially prone to unease when forced to interact with multiple people at once. To set your loved one up for communication success, put their peace of mind first, and avoid inviting others into your conversations with them.

    3. Acknowledge and affirm your loved one’s humanity.
    Make a concerted effort to understand your loved one’s experiences and express compassion for them. If they tell you they're hearing voices or seeing terrifying figures, don't blithely assert those things aren't real: It won't make their hallucinations go away, but it will create distance between you and your loved one.

    Instead, validate their emotions while remaining candid about how your experience of reality differs from theirs. You might say something to the effect of, "That sounds really hurtful/scary. I don't hear that same voice/see that same figure, but I believe you do." It is a common misconception that talking about hallucinations or delusions eggs them on, but the reality is: Engaging in nonjudgmental conversation around your loved one's lived experiences removes taboos associated with them, reducing the amount of distress they cause.

    To that end, try to employ the same language they use to describe their delusions or hallucinations. Directly and unambiguously addressing their experiences will mitigate confusion and increase the chances that your loved one views you as a source of support. If they refer to the things they're seeing as "entities," don't respond with, "I believe you're seeing things," which might lead them to think you don't understand what they're trying to articulate. Instead, say, "I believe you're seeing entities."

    The human craving for autonomy doesn't go away just because someone has experienced or is experiencing hallucinations or delusions. Honor your loved one's agency by helping them understand the choices they have rather than forcing them to comply with what you would choose for them. This is especially important in conversations around medication. Studies have shown that shared decision-making decreases prescription non-adherence among individuals with schizophrenia.

    If your loved one wants to stop taking their antipsychotic medication, ask them why and listen nonjudgmentally to their reasons. Then, respond with both an acknowledgment of their feelings and an explanation of the consequences they'd face, like this: "I can understand how frustrating it must be to feel dulled emotions, but if you do decide to stop taking your medicine, you'll start to believe that [insert loved one's symptoms here]. This will cause you to behave in ways that are unsafe for yourself and others, and that will result in a [enter consequences here]."

    4. Meet your loved one where they are.
    Because most people's delusions or hallucinations are upsetting, it's important to assure your loved one that they're safe while you interact with them. You can do this by maintaining an even-tempered expression, avoiding overly animated body language, and giving them plenty of personal space.

    Verbal affirmations are also helpful. If your loved one believes the CIA has tapped their phone, for instance, try sharing something to this effect: "I understand how stressful it must be for you to believe the CIA has tapped your phone, but I have no evidence of that, so I don't share your belief. If I did, I would take immediate action to protect our privacy, because my top priority is making sure you and I are both safe."

    The symptoms of psychosis wax and wane according to both internal and external conditions, so pay close attention to your loved one’s behaviors. If they’re exhibiting signs of escalation, refrain from trying to initiate conversation then. Prioritize de-escalation, and in the event that your loved one has entered crisis territory, safety should be your number-one concern. Get to the hospital or call 911 if necessary. You should wait until they've regained stability to start the work of relationship building.

    5. Be consistent.
    Having psychosis can feel like living on perpetually shifting grounds. You can provide your loved one with the security they need to recover by showing up for them consistently and predictably. Do what you say; say what you’ll do. When you need to collect dirty clothes from their room, for example, let them know beforehand: “I’m going to go into your room to grab your laundry now so I can wash it.” Or, if you know a representative from the cable company will be coming over to troubleshoot wifi issues, give your loved one plenty of advance notice.

    In addition to accommodating their needs, it’s important to set and reinforce clear boundaries with your loved one so that they can learn how to cope with symptoms. When living in the same house as you, they can’t bar you from entering certain rooms, for instance. Communicate this rule with them, then remind them of it when necessary. In the event that they become defiant, calmly explain that their behavior is not acceptable, and hold them accountable for their actions. Just as you wouldn’t want your loved one’s symptoms to run their lives, their symptoms shouldn’t run yours, either.

    Consistency can require a lot of effort, especially when having to hold boundaries your loved one doesn’t like. To ensure you don’t react in an inflammatory way when they defy or break rules, don't forget to tend to your own mental health. Lean on your community, ask for help, take space when you need it, and engage in regular self-care practices. By getting the support you need, you enable yourself to give your loved one the support they need, too.
    PSYCHOSIS- Communicating Effectively with Loved Ones Who Have Psychosis. Tips for navigating a complicated disorder. Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano KEY POINTS- Psychosis is an often-misunderstood, highly stigmatized psychological condition. If you have a loved one who is suffering from psychosis, you can help reduce symptoms by cultivating an open, trusting relationship with them. You can provide your loved one with the security they need to recover by showing up for them consistently and predictably. Psychosis is a widely misunderstood, highly stigmatized psychological condition. Despite the fact that individuals with psychosis pose a greater threat to themselves than to anyone else, they’re often portrayed as dangerous. This misperception increases the chances they'll face severe discrimination and social isolation, making it more difficult for them to get the help they need to recover and live personally gratifying lives. Strong support networks can counteract the negative effects of the misinformation surrounding this condition. If you have a loved one who is suffering from psychosis, you can help reduce the severity of their symptoms by cultivating an open, trusting relationship with them. Doing so requires frequent communication, and although the cognitive and emotional effects of psychosis can make that challenging, there are steps you can take to overcome barriers and connect meaningfully with your loved one. 1. Understand what psychosis is and how it affects your loved one. Broadly, psychosis refers to a disruption in an individual's experience of reality. It can be caused by a mental health condition, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, or it can be triggered by environmental factors, such as prolonged sleep deprivation, certain prescription drugs, or substance abuse. Symptoms can manifest as delusions, which are false beliefs, or hallucinations, which are false perceptions. While not objectively real, delusions and hallucinations are present and palpable to the individuals in whom they occur. At minimum, they're extremely distracting; often, they're downright distressing. As a result, psychosis is often accompanied by disorganized thoughts and speech, executive dysfunction, and odd and/or misplaced behaviors. Meet such symptoms with compassion, and avoid becoming frustrated with your loved one for any impulsivity or lack of focus they may exhibit. If you persist in conversing with them in spite of the impediments, you may find that their symptoms cause less interference as time goes on. There is evidence that the act of speaking itself can reduce the severity of certain types of hallucinations. An individual's first psychotic episode often occurs during young adulthood, interrupting a critical phase of growth. Consequently, many who suffer from the condition feel robbed of key life experiences. If your loved one has or is expressing interest in starting a job, dating, or another "normal" young adult activity, don’t waive that off as untenable because of their condition. Doing so could fuel resentment between you and your loved one, preventing the cultivation of a trusting relationship. Instead, facilitate an honest discussion about how your loved one could pursue their interests with their condition. Not only will this reinforce the notion that you are their ally but it will also help them become more self-aware. 2. Set the stage for effective communication. The symptoms associated with psychosis can be extremely sensitive to environmental conditions. This is why it's important to select a setting for interactions with your loved one that they find comfortable. If they feel as though they’re being surveilled when out in public, for example, don’t invite them to a coffee shop. Instead, meet them at home, and ensure that the room in which you initiate conversation is uncluttered. An orderly environment is soothing for everyone, especially those with high degrees of internal stimulation. The space in which you choose to interact with your loved one should be orderly and also free of triggering objects. Say your loved one believes that the CIA has tapped all of the devices in their house. You can prevent the belief from derailing your communication attempts by putting all electronics temporarily out of sight. You can also choose to interact with your loved one outdoors. Walking promotes focus and stimulates creativity; it can be an extremely effective tool for encouraging the taciturn to volunteer more information. Be sure to choose a route that’s relatively free of noise, crowds, and other distractions. The more tranquil the context, the less disruptive your loved one’s symptoms will be. In general, individuals with psychosis tend to fare much better in one-on-one conversations than in groups. Group dynamics can be overwhelming and even distressing; those who suffer from paranoia may be especially prone to unease when forced to interact with multiple people at once. To set your loved one up for communication success, put their peace of mind first, and avoid inviting others into your conversations with them. 3. Acknowledge and affirm your loved one’s humanity. Make a concerted effort to understand your loved one’s experiences and express compassion for them. If they tell you they're hearing voices or seeing terrifying figures, don't blithely assert those things aren't real: It won't make their hallucinations go away, but it will create distance between you and your loved one. Instead, validate their emotions while remaining candid about how your experience of reality differs from theirs. You might say something to the effect of, "That sounds really hurtful/scary. I don't hear that same voice/see that same figure, but I believe you do." It is a common misconception that talking about hallucinations or delusions eggs them on, but the reality is: Engaging in nonjudgmental conversation around your loved one's lived experiences removes taboos associated with them, reducing the amount of distress they cause. To that end, try to employ the same language they use to describe their delusions or hallucinations. Directly and unambiguously addressing their experiences will mitigate confusion and increase the chances that your loved one views you as a source of support. If they refer to the things they're seeing as "entities," don't respond with, "I believe you're seeing things," which might lead them to think you don't understand what they're trying to articulate. Instead, say, "I believe you're seeing entities." The human craving for autonomy doesn't go away just because someone has experienced or is experiencing hallucinations or delusions. Honor your loved one's agency by helping them understand the choices they have rather than forcing them to comply with what you would choose for them. This is especially important in conversations around medication. Studies have shown that shared decision-making decreases prescription non-adherence among individuals with schizophrenia. If your loved one wants to stop taking their antipsychotic medication, ask them why and listen nonjudgmentally to their reasons. Then, respond with both an acknowledgment of their feelings and an explanation of the consequences they'd face, like this: "I can understand how frustrating it must be to feel dulled emotions, but if you do decide to stop taking your medicine, you'll start to believe that [insert loved one's symptoms here]. This will cause you to behave in ways that are unsafe for yourself and others, and that will result in a [enter consequences here]." 4. Meet your loved one where they are. Because most people's delusions or hallucinations are upsetting, it's important to assure your loved one that they're safe while you interact with them. You can do this by maintaining an even-tempered expression, avoiding overly animated body language, and giving them plenty of personal space. Verbal affirmations are also helpful. If your loved one believes the CIA has tapped their phone, for instance, try sharing something to this effect: "I understand how stressful it must be for you to believe the CIA has tapped your phone, but I have no evidence of that, so I don't share your belief. If I did, I would take immediate action to protect our privacy, because my top priority is making sure you and I are both safe." The symptoms of psychosis wax and wane according to both internal and external conditions, so pay close attention to your loved one’s behaviors. If they’re exhibiting signs of escalation, refrain from trying to initiate conversation then. Prioritize de-escalation, and in the event that your loved one has entered crisis territory, safety should be your number-one concern. Get to the hospital or call 911 if necessary. You should wait until they've regained stability to start the work of relationship building. 5. Be consistent. Having psychosis can feel like living on perpetually shifting grounds. You can provide your loved one with the security they need to recover by showing up for them consistently and predictably. Do what you say; say what you’ll do. When you need to collect dirty clothes from their room, for example, let them know beforehand: “I’m going to go into your room to grab your laundry now so I can wash it.” Or, if you know a representative from the cable company will be coming over to troubleshoot wifi issues, give your loved one plenty of advance notice. In addition to accommodating their needs, it’s important to set and reinforce clear boundaries with your loved one so that they can learn how to cope with symptoms. When living in the same house as you, they can’t bar you from entering certain rooms, for instance. Communicate this rule with them, then remind them of it when necessary. In the event that they become defiant, calmly explain that their behavior is not acceptable, and hold them accountable for their actions. Just as you wouldn’t want your loved one’s symptoms to run their lives, their symptoms shouldn’t run yours, either. Consistency can require a lot of effort, especially when having to hold boundaries your loved one doesn’t like. To ensure you don’t react in an inflammatory way when they defy or break rules, don't forget to tend to your own mental health. Lean on your community, ask for help, take space when you need it, and engage in regular self-care practices. By getting the support you need, you enable yourself to give your loved one the support they need, too.
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