• Why Your Enterprise Needs a Laravel Development Company’s Expertise

    A Laravel development company brings extensive expertise in creating secure, efficient, and scalable web applications, enabling enterprises to stay competitive and agile in their industries.
    Know more: https://www.synapseindia.com/article/10-advantages-of-laravel-development-services-for-enterprises
    #LaravelDevelopmentCompany #LaravelDevelopment
    Why Your Enterprise Needs a Laravel Development Company’s Expertise A Laravel development company brings extensive expertise in creating secure, efficient, and scalable web applications, enabling enterprises to stay competitive and agile in their industries. Know more: https://www.synapseindia.com/article/10-advantages-of-laravel-development-services-for-enterprises #LaravelDevelopmentCompany #LaravelDevelopment
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  • Positioning Product Managers' Value in a Sluggish Market Like 2024

    https://shorterloop.com/the-product-mindset/posts/positioning-product-managers-value-in-a-sluggish-market-like-2024

    #ProductManagement #LeadershipInCrisis #MarketResilience #PMStrategy #AgileLeadership #InnovationInDownturn #ProductManagerValue #MarketAdaptation #2024Challenges
    Positioning Product Managers' Value in a Sluggish Market Like 2024 https://shorterloop.com/the-product-mindset/posts/positioning-product-managers-value-in-a-sluggish-market-like-2024 #ProductManagement #LeadershipInCrisis #MarketResilience #PMStrategy #AgileLeadership #InnovationInDownturn #ProductManagerValue #MarketAdaptation #2024Challenges
    SHORTERLOOP.COM
    Positioning Product Managers' Value in a Sluggish Market Like 2024
    Position your value as a product manager in 2024 with essential skills and strategies
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  • Top Product Management Trends 2024 and Beyond You Must Know

    https://shorterloop.com/the-product-mindset/posts/top-product-management-trends-2024-and-beyond-you-must-know

    #ProductManagement #ProductTrends #Innovation #TechTrends #DigitalTransformation #AgileDevelopment #ProductLeadership #FutureOfWork #CustomerExperience #PMBestPractices
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    Top Product Management Trends 2024 and Beyond You MUST KNOW
    Discover the latest product management trends and agile strategies for success in 2024 and beyond. Stay updated with Prodeasy Insights.
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  • The DevOps Roadmap 2024 focuses on CI/CD optimization, Kubernetes for microservices orchestration, and infrastructure as code (IaC) for streamlined deployment. Emphasizing DevSecOps for integrated security, it promotes agile methodologies and collaborative workflows to achieve efficient, scalable software delivery. Know More: https://blog.synarionit.com/devops-roadmap-for-software-development/
    The DevOps Roadmap 2024 focuses on CI/CD optimization, Kubernetes for microservices orchestration, and infrastructure as code (IaC) for streamlined deployment. Emphasizing DevSecOps for integrated security, it promotes agile methodologies and collaborative workflows to achieve efficient, scalable software delivery. Know More: https://blog.synarionit.com/devops-roadmap-for-software-development/
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  • Hire top notch flask developers

    If you are looking to hire expert Flask developers for your next project. We are one of the best Flask development companies with a team of dedicated Flask programmers ready to bring your vision to life with our Flask development services.

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    for more info visit us at - https://empiricinfotech.com/hire/hire-flask-developers

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    Hire top notch flask developers If you are looking to hire expert Flask developers for your next project. We are one of the best Flask development companies with a team of dedicated Flask programmers ready to bring your vision to life with our Flask development services. Flask Development Services That Help You Grow Your Business We specialize in creating dynamic, user-friendly web applications using Flask, a lightweight and versatile Python web framework. We utilize the most recent tools and technologies to provide top-notch Flask development services. We take great pride in our work and aim to deliver outstanding web development solutions that assist our clients in achieving their business objectives. for more info visit us at - https://empiricinfotech.com/hire/hire-flask-developers Get in touch with us today to discuss your project needs and discover how we can help your business grow. With a scalable and robust Flask web application, we can help you reach a wider audience, improve user engagement, and ultimately, boost your bottom line. Benefits of Hiring a Flask Developer from Empiric Infotech LLP Skilled And Experienced Developers On-Time Delivery With 100% Transparency Premium Code Quality With Accuracy Flexible Hiring Models Agile Methodology Cost-Effective Solutions
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  • As organizations embark on their digital transformation journeys, SAP S/4HANA is poised to play a central role in shaping the future of ERP. By embracing the principles of simplicity, speed, and innovation, S/4HANA empowers businesses to reimagine their operations, drive growth, and stay ahead of the competition in an increasingly complex and dynamic business environment. As the evolution of ERP continues, SAP S/4HANA stands as a beacon of innovation, heralding a new era of intelligent, agile, and integrated enterprise software solutions. Learn more SAP Course in Pune. https://www.sevenmentor.com/sap-courses-in-pune.php
    As organizations embark on their digital transformation journeys, SAP S/4HANA is poised to play a central role in shaping the future of ERP. By embracing the principles of simplicity, speed, and innovation, S/4HANA empowers businesses to reimagine their operations, drive growth, and stay ahead of the competition in an increasingly complex and dynamic business environment. As the evolution of ERP continues, SAP S/4HANA stands as a beacon of innovation, heralding a new era of intelligent, agile, and integrated enterprise software solutions. Learn more SAP Course in Pune. https://www.sevenmentor.com/sap-courses-in-pune.php
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    Best SAP Course in Pune with Job Placement | SevenMentor
    Best SAP course in Pune with job placement are designed to teach you the basics of SAP and how to use it to manage your business.
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  • Living with Bittersweet Emotions.
    A Personal Perspective: Responding to impermanence in the many flavors of life.
    Reviewed by Lybi Ma

    KEY POINTS-
    Life teaches us about impermanence, that the people and things we count on may not always be there for us.
    Emotional agility is the capacity to accept our difficult thoughts, emotions, and experiences with courage and self-compassion.
    Experiencing mixed emotions can help us create greater meaning in our lives as we face challenges and uncertainties.
    As the saying goes, life is sweet. And while we may wish for consistently sweet moments, life often serves us other flavors.

    Our lives are sprinkled with tastes of bittersweet moments, sad moments, and moments of loss, moments we did not ask for and cannot control. We live our days immersed in our hectic schedules, striving to get what we want and grasping tightly to what we love. And while sometimes we can hold on, at other times life reminds us that we cannot and will not be able to hang on to what really matters to us. Scared, reluctant, kicking, and screaming, we learn that life is impermanent; and that the people and things we count on may not always be there for us.

    Recently, we celebrated my mom’s birthday. In her nineties now, as she nears the closing courses of a long and remarkable life, she occasionally remembers vivid moments, but mostly struggles with the veil of dementia—losses of mind and body that are not performing the way she would want.

    My mom is deeply loved by our family—she is mother, mother-in-law, wife, aunt, grandma, and great-grandma—we are the loves of her life. To mark her birthday, those of us in town created a gathering to honor her and celebrate. Given my mom’s current circumstances, the party was brief but meaningful. Mostly, it was an opportunity for the grandkids and great-grands to share a few moments with her, which they’ve largely been denied during the limitations of the pandemic.

    The day before the celebration, we decided to bake cookies with Mom’s great-grandkids. Not just any cookies, 60 homemade sugar cookies cut in different shapes, covered with homemade frosting in the children’s three favorite colors, and, of course, lots and lots of sprinkles. The kids worked as carefully as they could, resulting in almost as many sprinkles on the floor as on the cookies. They labored with intention and love for hours—rolling dough, baking, cutting shapes, and decorating—with frosting and not one, but four kinds of sprinkles.

    The next day, the birthday gathering was a success—love, joy, connection—and the beautiful cookies with icing and sprinkles were shared with great-grandma and each other. And the sprinkles continue to sparkle. In an unexpected way, those sweet sprinkles have remained not only on my mind but most everywhere in our home for the past few days. On every floor and in every room, I continue to find them graced with the love of children and their great-grandma—in all the colors of the rainbow, four shapes and sizes—sweet, and after I inadvertently step on them, not so sweet. Truly, these are bittersweet moments, filled with colorful and mixed emotions. As I continue to discover candied sprinkles, I contemplate my relationship with this time in my life filled with joy and also loss, the small day-to-day losses, and the anticipated big loss to come.

    How do we navigate the sweetness and bittersweetness of our inner and outer worlds—pivoting between the mixed emotions of happiness and well-being, change, loss, and the search for meaning?

    Amid this bittersweetness, we reluctantly learn that much in life is beyond our sphere of control—we cannot control what others do, the separations and losses, the passage of time, the impermanence of life, what we long for and cannot attain. And yet, in the face of life’s poignant bittersweet sorrows and longings, we muddle on, seeking happiness, connection, and light. Life is in constant transformation and we can choose our attitudes, actions, and responses on the journey.

    While my mom’s mind and body are gradually fading on her journey, I believe her spirit is more vibrant than ever, with multi-colored textures and light sprinkled through a long, colorful, and meaningful life. The stories I tell myself in this chapter of her life and mine blend joy and grief, sweetness and bittersweetness, light and dark. Harvard Medical School psychologist, Susan David, Ph.D., teaches about emotional agility, the capacity to acknowledge and accept our difficult thoughts, emotions, and experiences; not dwelling on them, but learning with courage and self-compassion. According to Susan David, emotionally agile people deal with circumstances as they arise, feel the experience fully but loosely, and then move past them to invigorate resilience and our response to change (David, 2016).

    Research reveals that experiencing mixed emotions, balancing pleasant and less pleasant feelings, can have a positive effect on the sense that one’s life has meaning and purpose, and eudemonic well-being (Cain, 2022; Berrios, et al, 2017). In Greek, eudaimonia means to live in sync with your highest self, with what matters to you in the deepest ways. Thus, experiencing mixed emotions dispersed in the messiness of our lives can help us create profound meaning in the face of life’s uncertainties. This process beckons us toward well-being and positive affect as we attempt to navigate and transcend our challenges and difficulties in uniquely personal ways.

    In the changing seasons of life, we may find ourselves all too aware of fragility, our own and each other's. We find ourselves immersed in life’s impermanence, at the edges of a mystery that we come to understand is undeniable.

    As life proceeds, we reluctantly learn in deeply personal ways that change is inevitable:

    the vulnerability of everyone and everything we care about
    that our time together can be beautiful, but will undeniably end in one way or another
    that we may want more, but cannot always have it
    And that life serves up many flavors, and we can strive to move toward acceptance. For the sweet, bittersweet, and, yes, the difficult, painful moments we are served are the essence of the human condition.

    Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. No content is a substitute for consulting with a qualified mental health or healthcare professional.
    Living with Bittersweet Emotions. A Personal Perspective: Responding to impermanence in the many flavors of life. Reviewed by Lybi Ma KEY POINTS- Life teaches us about impermanence, that the people and things we count on may not always be there for us. Emotional agility is the capacity to accept our difficult thoughts, emotions, and experiences with courage and self-compassion. Experiencing mixed emotions can help us create greater meaning in our lives as we face challenges and uncertainties. As the saying goes, life is sweet. And while we may wish for consistently sweet moments, life often serves us other flavors. Our lives are sprinkled with tastes of bittersweet moments, sad moments, and moments of loss, moments we did not ask for and cannot control. We live our days immersed in our hectic schedules, striving to get what we want and grasping tightly to what we love. And while sometimes we can hold on, at other times life reminds us that we cannot and will not be able to hang on to what really matters to us. Scared, reluctant, kicking, and screaming, we learn that life is impermanent; and that the people and things we count on may not always be there for us. Recently, we celebrated my mom’s birthday. In her nineties now, as she nears the closing courses of a long and remarkable life, she occasionally remembers vivid moments, but mostly struggles with the veil of dementia—losses of mind and body that are not performing the way she would want. My mom is deeply loved by our family—she is mother, mother-in-law, wife, aunt, grandma, and great-grandma—we are the loves of her life. To mark her birthday, those of us in town created a gathering to honor her and celebrate. Given my mom’s current circumstances, the party was brief but meaningful. Mostly, it was an opportunity for the grandkids and great-grands to share a few moments with her, which they’ve largely been denied during the limitations of the pandemic. The day before the celebration, we decided to bake cookies with Mom’s great-grandkids. Not just any cookies, 60 homemade sugar cookies cut in different shapes, covered with homemade frosting in the children’s three favorite colors, and, of course, lots and lots of sprinkles. The kids worked as carefully as they could, resulting in almost as many sprinkles on the floor as on the cookies. They labored with intention and love for hours—rolling dough, baking, cutting shapes, and decorating—with frosting and not one, but four kinds of sprinkles. The next day, the birthday gathering was a success—love, joy, connection—and the beautiful cookies with icing and sprinkles were shared with great-grandma and each other. And the sprinkles continue to sparkle. In an unexpected way, those sweet sprinkles have remained not only on my mind but most everywhere in our home for the past few days. On every floor and in every room, I continue to find them graced with the love of children and their great-grandma—in all the colors of the rainbow, four shapes and sizes—sweet, and after I inadvertently step on them, not so sweet. Truly, these are bittersweet moments, filled with colorful and mixed emotions. As I continue to discover candied sprinkles, I contemplate my relationship with this time in my life filled with joy and also loss, the small day-to-day losses, and the anticipated big loss to come. How do we navigate the sweetness and bittersweetness of our inner and outer worlds—pivoting between the mixed emotions of happiness and well-being, change, loss, and the search for meaning? Amid this bittersweetness, we reluctantly learn that much in life is beyond our sphere of control—we cannot control what others do, the separations and losses, the passage of time, the impermanence of life, what we long for and cannot attain. And yet, in the face of life’s poignant bittersweet sorrows and longings, we muddle on, seeking happiness, connection, and light. Life is in constant transformation and we can choose our attitudes, actions, and responses on the journey. While my mom’s mind and body are gradually fading on her journey, I believe her spirit is more vibrant than ever, with multi-colored textures and light sprinkled through a long, colorful, and meaningful life. The stories I tell myself in this chapter of her life and mine blend joy and grief, sweetness and bittersweetness, light and dark. Harvard Medical School psychologist, Susan David, Ph.D., teaches about emotional agility, the capacity to acknowledge and accept our difficult thoughts, emotions, and experiences; not dwelling on them, but learning with courage and self-compassion. According to Susan David, emotionally agile people deal with circumstances as they arise, feel the experience fully but loosely, and then move past them to invigorate resilience and our response to change (David, 2016). Research reveals that experiencing mixed emotions, balancing pleasant and less pleasant feelings, can have a positive effect on the sense that one’s life has meaning and purpose, and eudemonic well-being (Cain, 2022; Berrios, et al, 2017). In Greek, eudaimonia means to live in sync with your highest self, with what matters to you in the deepest ways. Thus, experiencing mixed emotions dispersed in the messiness of our lives can help us create profound meaning in the face of life’s uncertainties. This process beckons us toward well-being and positive affect as we attempt to navigate and transcend our challenges and difficulties in uniquely personal ways. In the changing seasons of life, we may find ourselves all too aware of fragility, our own and each other's. We find ourselves immersed in life’s impermanence, at the edges of a mystery that we come to understand is undeniable. As life proceeds, we reluctantly learn in deeply personal ways that change is inevitable: the vulnerability of everyone and everything we care about that our time together can be beautiful, but will undeniably end in one way or another that we may want more, but cannot always have it And that life serves up many flavors, and we can strive to move toward acceptance. For the sweet, bittersweet, and, yes, the difficult, painful moments we are served are the essence of the human condition. Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. No content is a substitute for consulting with a qualified mental health or healthcare professional.
    0 Comments 0 Shares 2743 Views
  • NARCISSISM-
    6 Things a Narcissistic Partner Rarely Says in a Relationship.
    Understand how and why the absence of these responses may impact you.
    Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

    KEY POINTS-
    A partner's low emotional intelligence can impact your sense of self.
    A robustly and rigidly defensive partner may lack the emotional capacity to relate in healthy ways.
    Narcissistic partners rarely say things like "What I did was insensitive and I apologize," or "I would be mad too."
    The constant absence of six sentiments may indicate a partner has narcissistic tendencies. Their lack of empathy, insight, and ability to self-reflect, be accountable, and partner with you instead of taking control may be evidence of low emotional intelligence. An explanation of how these deficiencies impact you may help you evaluate the emotional safety of the relationship.

    1. "I hurt your feelings, and that is not okay."
    Often, a narcissist is annoyed and indignant when their partner communicates a feeling that they do not appreciate. This may be most evident when the partner attempts to address an issue with the narcissist, which involves the narcissist doing or saying something hurtful. Instead of conveying empathy, as in the statement above, they tend to dodge accountability and either shame the partner, dismiss the partner or withdraw their affection to punish the partner passively aggressively. Owning a hurtful action in the moment is rare for narcissists because they are typically robustly defensive and resist “looking in the mirror.”

    However, after several days or weeks pass, the narcissist may try to take responsibility for their selfish act but eventually minimize or subtly justify the transgression. In place of authentic and heartfelt introspection during the course of the interaction, it can take days and weeks for the narcissist to grasp an understanding of their emotional mistreatment, and even then, they may not grasp the negative impact their actions had on you.

    2. "You have every right to be upset."
    In a relationship, a narcissist often has difficulties honoring your feelings when they feel differently than you; thus, they lack empathy. Empathy requires a person to access the deep and uncomfortable emotions that allow them to momentarily resonate with a partner’s emotional discomfort in order to truly understand. This allows the partner to feel less alone in their predicament and connected to a loved one who gets it. Feeling understood and close to someone in emotional distress is usually comforting and can speed up the healing process.

    A narcissist may be too fragile to put themselves in another person’s shoes because it is difficult and taxes a waning sense of self. Providing empathy requires a person have “broad emotional shoulders.” A narcissist usually has low emotional intelligence and thus prefers to be sympathetic because they escape the brief hardship empathy requires. Instead, they would rather to be the hero. Sympathizing allows them to emotionally distance themselves from the pain by pitying you. Next, they usually take a position of authority and tell you how to fix the problem or offer to swoop in and “save the day.” Either way, they use your most painful moments as an opportunity to fluff up their ego.

    3. "I’m glad you told me that bothered you–I’ll try to be more considerate."
    Addressing an issue with a narcissist frequently leads to an epic battle. Their refusal to consider your perspective if it differs can be maddening. Frustrated and agitated, you may waste a lot of time and energy attempting to get the narcissist to understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately, their inability to perspective-take in the context of an interpersonal relationship often prevents them from owning even small missteps in the relationship.

    In addition, the narcissist may unfairly frame your attempt to address an issue with them as “aggressive” or “antagonistic.” They may immediately position themselves as the victim in the interaction and you as the “abusive party.” They often convince you and many others that you are unfairly persecuting them. In addition, a narcissist may take this as an opportunity to project their tendencies onto you. Using deflection and then projection, they ignore your viewpoint and accuse you of doing what they actually did. For example, when you confront them about a lie they told you, they twist the narrative and call you a “liar.” Due to their extreme defensiveness, they are typically unable to self-reflect, so it is unlikely that they will graciously accept the feedback and use it for permanent growth and change.

    4. "What I did was insensitive–I apologize."
    Narcissists usually have a distorted self-image. They see themselves as innocent, at all times, and thus are rarely able to take responsibility for an insensitive or inconsiderate action or comment. Instead, they accuse you of being “picky, harsh, overly critical, or impossible to please.” They tend to excuse their selfish or disrespectful behavior as justified in response to your “unfair criticisms.” The unwavering denial that they have done something wrong prevents them from authentically admitting fault in a relationship.

    The exception, of course, is when you are fed up and ready to end things. At this point the narcissist may issue a general apology for past behaviors, however, they often minimize and justify their wrongdoings. The evidence of their insincerity is the continual repetition of hurtful behavior in the future. They lack genuine empathy, remorse, and insight, so the apology is simply lip service in order to get out of “hot water.” This type of partner rarely apologizes when it matters the most.

    5. "I would be mad too."
    One of the telltale signs of narcissism is a lack of empathy. A narcissist shames and dismisses you for identifying a feeling that they do not care to hear. The expectation is that you feel the same way about the relationship as they do. If you are mad, they react angrily in response to your anger. If you dare to express a feeling that is incongruent with how they feel, they may passive-aggressively punish you by withdrawing their love and affection. In order to avoid being emotionally abandoned, you may find yourself censoring your feelings because you are afraid that you will be rejected. A series of these micro-abandonments may cause you to shut down essential aspects of who you are.

    Moreover, when a loved one strips you of your basic human right to feel what you feel, it can be dehumanizing. When you are treated as less than human, it may induce anger and pain. These experiences can be traumatizing. Desperate to be heard, respected, and understood, and deeply disappointed when you are not, may result in feelings of loneliness and shame.

    6. "How can I help?"
    More often than not, a narcissist truly believes they know best. Unable to perspective take, they firmly believe there is one right way, and it is their way. Because of this unilateral and egocentric viewpoint, they tend to tell their partner what to do–a lot. Because the narcissist believes they know everything, they demand that you follow their advice.

    Also, narcissists tend to enjoy being the hero, so they like to save and rescue. In place of following your lead about how they can best support you, they may take over and grab control. You may be grateful for the help, but it may also strip you of your own self-efficacy and create dependence on the narcissist. A loss of confidence in your own competence may follow. Alternatively, a partner who asks for guidance on how to support you best may be someone who has faith in your ability to solve problems.

    Taking responsibility for hurtful behavior in the moment is rare for a narcissist because they lack the ability to introspect. Offering empathy is also uncommon for them, as they prefer to use your hardship as an opportunity to fuel their ego by either being the “expert” or by playing the “hero.” In addition, considering your feedback is almost impossible for a narcissist due to their immediate and hefty defensiveness. An apology may only be issued when their back is against the wall, and taking over in place of asking you what you need may also be a sign. For these reasons, a narcissistic partner may fail to respond in ways that preserve the closeness in a relationship.
    NARCISSISM- 6 Things a Narcissistic Partner Rarely Says in a Relationship. Understand how and why the absence of these responses may impact you. Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster KEY POINTS- A partner's low emotional intelligence can impact your sense of self. A robustly and rigidly defensive partner may lack the emotional capacity to relate in healthy ways. Narcissistic partners rarely say things like "What I did was insensitive and I apologize," or "I would be mad too." The constant absence of six sentiments may indicate a partner has narcissistic tendencies. Their lack of empathy, insight, and ability to self-reflect, be accountable, and partner with you instead of taking control may be evidence of low emotional intelligence. An explanation of how these deficiencies impact you may help you evaluate the emotional safety of the relationship. 1. "I hurt your feelings, and that is not okay." Often, a narcissist is annoyed and indignant when their partner communicates a feeling that they do not appreciate. This may be most evident when the partner attempts to address an issue with the narcissist, which involves the narcissist doing or saying something hurtful. Instead of conveying empathy, as in the statement above, they tend to dodge accountability and either shame the partner, dismiss the partner or withdraw their affection to punish the partner passively aggressively. Owning a hurtful action in the moment is rare for narcissists because they are typically robustly defensive and resist “looking in the mirror.” However, after several days or weeks pass, the narcissist may try to take responsibility for their selfish act but eventually minimize or subtly justify the transgression. In place of authentic and heartfelt introspection during the course of the interaction, it can take days and weeks for the narcissist to grasp an understanding of their emotional mistreatment, and even then, they may not grasp the negative impact their actions had on you. 2. "You have every right to be upset." In a relationship, a narcissist often has difficulties honoring your feelings when they feel differently than you; thus, they lack empathy. Empathy requires a person to access the deep and uncomfortable emotions that allow them to momentarily resonate with a partner’s emotional discomfort in order to truly understand. This allows the partner to feel less alone in their predicament and connected to a loved one who gets it. Feeling understood and close to someone in emotional distress is usually comforting and can speed up the healing process. A narcissist may be too fragile to put themselves in another person’s shoes because it is difficult and taxes a waning sense of self. Providing empathy requires a person have “broad emotional shoulders.” A narcissist usually has low emotional intelligence and thus prefers to be sympathetic because they escape the brief hardship empathy requires. Instead, they would rather to be the hero. Sympathizing allows them to emotionally distance themselves from the pain by pitying you. Next, they usually take a position of authority and tell you how to fix the problem or offer to swoop in and “save the day.” Either way, they use your most painful moments as an opportunity to fluff up their ego. 3. "I’m glad you told me that bothered you–I’ll try to be more considerate." Addressing an issue with a narcissist frequently leads to an epic battle. Their refusal to consider your perspective if it differs can be maddening. Frustrated and agitated, you may waste a lot of time and energy attempting to get the narcissist to understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately, their inability to perspective-take in the context of an interpersonal relationship often prevents them from owning even small missteps in the relationship. In addition, the narcissist may unfairly frame your attempt to address an issue with them as “aggressive” or “antagonistic.” They may immediately position themselves as the victim in the interaction and you as the “abusive party.” They often convince you and many others that you are unfairly persecuting them. In addition, a narcissist may take this as an opportunity to project their tendencies onto you. Using deflection and then projection, they ignore your viewpoint and accuse you of doing what they actually did. For example, when you confront them about a lie they told you, they twist the narrative and call you a “liar.” Due to their extreme defensiveness, they are typically unable to self-reflect, so it is unlikely that they will graciously accept the feedback and use it for permanent growth and change. 4. "What I did was insensitive–I apologize." Narcissists usually have a distorted self-image. They see themselves as innocent, at all times, and thus are rarely able to take responsibility for an insensitive or inconsiderate action or comment. Instead, they accuse you of being “picky, harsh, overly critical, or impossible to please.” They tend to excuse their selfish or disrespectful behavior as justified in response to your “unfair criticisms.” The unwavering denial that they have done something wrong prevents them from authentically admitting fault in a relationship. The exception, of course, is when you are fed up and ready to end things. At this point the narcissist may issue a general apology for past behaviors, however, they often minimize and justify their wrongdoings. The evidence of their insincerity is the continual repetition of hurtful behavior in the future. They lack genuine empathy, remorse, and insight, so the apology is simply lip service in order to get out of “hot water.” This type of partner rarely apologizes when it matters the most. 5. "I would be mad too." One of the telltale signs of narcissism is a lack of empathy. A narcissist shames and dismisses you for identifying a feeling that they do not care to hear. The expectation is that you feel the same way about the relationship as they do. If you are mad, they react angrily in response to your anger. If you dare to express a feeling that is incongruent with how they feel, they may passive-aggressively punish you by withdrawing their love and affection. In order to avoid being emotionally abandoned, you may find yourself censoring your feelings because you are afraid that you will be rejected. A series of these micro-abandonments may cause you to shut down essential aspects of who you are. Moreover, when a loved one strips you of your basic human right to feel what you feel, it can be dehumanizing. When you are treated as less than human, it may induce anger and pain. These experiences can be traumatizing. Desperate to be heard, respected, and understood, and deeply disappointed when you are not, may result in feelings of loneliness and shame. 6. "How can I help?" More often than not, a narcissist truly believes they know best. Unable to perspective take, they firmly believe there is one right way, and it is their way. Because of this unilateral and egocentric viewpoint, they tend to tell their partner what to do–a lot. Because the narcissist believes they know everything, they demand that you follow their advice. Also, narcissists tend to enjoy being the hero, so they like to save and rescue. In place of following your lead about how they can best support you, they may take over and grab control. You may be grateful for the help, but it may also strip you of your own self-efficacy and create dependence on the narcissist. A loss of confidence in your own competence may follow. Alternatively, a partner who asks for guidance on how to support you best may be someone who has faith in your ability to solve problems. Taking responsibility for hurtful behavior in the moment is rare for a narcissist because they lack the ability to introspect. Offering empathy is also uncommon for them, as they prefer to use your hardship as an opportunity to fuel their ego by either being the “expert” or by playing the “hero.” In addition, considering your feedback is almost impossible for a narcissist due to their immediate and hefty defensiveness. An apology may only be issued when their back is against the wall, and taking over in place of asking you what you need may also be a sign. For these reasons, a narcissistic partner may fail to respond in ways that preserve the closeness in a relationship.
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  • What Should We Hope For?
    The equation of hope can help us realize our dreams, and their limits.
    Reviewed by Lybi Ma

    KEY POINTS-
    Hope is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, but eminent thinkers of human nature often noted it only in passing.
    Hope is not optimism, its equation is more complex: Hope = Aspiration + Good + Uncertainty + Efficacy.
    Hope requires partnership. In human affairs, “I am hope” is never enough; “we are hope” is the only path of realizable dreams.
    Looking at a painting or a photograph, where the sun meets the horizon, it’s not always easy to tell if it’s dusk or dawn. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell in real life as well. In such uncertain moments, rather than looking at sunset or sunrise to establish directions, we look for our compass to offer guidance – to catch the sun, and earth’s intentions.

    This is Passover, a time to celebrate emancipation from slavery – and to calibrate our compass, emotional and moral, to rediscover hope. I write this in Israel, where the light of liberties flickers in limbo, the country’s fragile democracy lingering between death and rebirth.

    Entering a slightly dreamy mood, I recalled a recent moment when popular culture hit home, and a Netflix show I thought was fun to watch became, with a single scene, personal, perhaps too personal.

    But even for Sandman, that weaver of dreams, are there certain dreams that are too much to dare? What should we hope for, how much, and when should we stop hoping? When should we give up on causes, on people, on our people? What is it that kills hope? What is it that keeps it alive?

    Hope is not optimism, a belief that things will somehow turn right. The equation of hope is more complex: Hope = Aspiration + Good + Uncertainty + Efficacy. We hope when we aspire for an uncertain good, which we (believe we) can aid. But we rarely consider all these before we utter “hope.” The word is often just one offhanded comment away. “I hope to do well in the exam.” Well, duh! We rarely hope to fail, unless we deem failure as good.

    Hope then is a bit banal sentiment, so pervasive to be almost transparent. That much is plain in philosophy and psychology, and politics. Eminent thinkers made hope a cornerstone of human life but only noted this in passing. Thomas Hobbes, for example, rarely discusses hope in his political psychology, but when he does, it’s the “equality of hope” in the state of nature that should make people seek the protection of the mighty Leviathan. Spinoza too pays hope just scant attention but argues that together with fear, it’s the basis of political power, and the reason people follow the social contract.

    Immanuel Kant took hope more seriously. In his Critique of Pure Reason, “What can I know?” and “What should I do?” are Kant’s two well-known questions, the “is” and “ought” pillars of philosophy. But then, alongside this famous twin, Kant surprises us with a third fundamental conundrum: “What may I hope?”

    And here it gets interesting, since—atypical of Kant—emotions kick in, and so does God. For Kant, a prime good to hope for is personal happiness. But a precursor to The Good Place’s Chidi, always seeking the ethical good (though perhaps not amidst sunset), Kant doesn’t just want to be happy, he wants to be happy because he’s good! But who can ever assure us that good people would be happy, and, presumably, bad ones miserable? Not a single person, Kant realizes, as he summons the “highest reason,” namely God, to help us hope for moral progress, personal and universal, which would lead to happiness.

    Kant failed. While asking, “What may I hope?” Kant actually answered to, “What can’t I hope without?” Still, God is, at best, a necessary, but never a sufficient, condition for humans’ hope for happiness and for the good. After all, even under God, good people often get the short end of the stick, awaiting their carrot in heaven.

    Perhaps Kant failed because he didn’t hope enough. Unlike Kant, Søren Kierkegaard didn’t resort to Reason to give God center stage in his theatre of hope. For the Danish existentialist, earthly, natural hopes are bound to disappoint us. But they serve a superior purpose by paving a path for eternal hope, which “is against hope, because according to that purely natural hope there [is] no more hope; consequently this hope is against hope.”

    How far can one "hope against hope," against all possible odds? Kierkegaard wanted to go as far as possible, to a father sacrificing his beloved son, believing that somehow his beloved God will save the day. He knighted the faithful Abraham for this remarkable “leap of faith.” But in the process, without realizing it, Kierkegaard tried to redeem God Himself – from His own cruel words and actions.

    Kierkegaard’s hope was in fact the reverse of what he sought. He didn't cast divine hope overcoming human hope, but earthly hope, his own, absolving the divine. But then, if humans are so powerful as to absolve God, why do they need that demiurge in the first place? They might just as well do away, and without, Him. What’s left?

    A realization: “Hope against hope” is a dead end. What is it that kills hope? Well, hope itself, or rather a barren hope. Hope “can survive the anti-life, the dark at the end of everything,” only when it’s not lonely. Otherwise, hope is nothing but a wishful feeling, an unmet desire, an inch away from despair, or worse, destruction.

    In human affairs, “I am hope” is never enough; “we are hope” is the only path to realizable dreams. Hope requires partnership, and à la Franz Kafka, there is indeed, “no hope for us” without it. With it, helping each other hope, often for different things, everything’s possible, and “the dark at the end” can be a bright beginning. What may we hope for? Anything.
    What Should We Hope For? The equation of hope can help us realize our dreams, and their limits. Reviewed by Lybi Ma KEY POINTS- Hope is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, but eminent thinkers of human nature often noted it only in passing. Hope is not optimism, its equation is more complex: Hope = Aspiration + Good + Uncertainty + Efficacy. Hope requires partnership. In human affairs, “I am hope” is never enough; “we are hope” is the only path of realizable dreams. Looking at a painting or a photograph, where the sun meets the horizon, it’s not always easy to tell if it’s dusk or dawn. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell in real life as well. In such uncertain moments, rather than looking at sunset or sunrise to establish directions, we look for our compass to offer guidance – to catch the sun, and earth’s intentions. This is Passover, a time to celebrate emancipation from slavery – and to calibrate our compass, emotional and moral, to rediscover hope. I write this in Israel, where the light of liberties flickers in limbo, the country’s fragile democracy lingering between death and rebirth. Entering a slightly dreamy mood, I recalled a recent moment when popular culture hit home, and a Netflix show I thought was fun to watch became, with a single scene, personal, perhaps too personal. But even for Sandman, that weaver of dreams, are there certain dreams that are too much to dare? What should we hope for, how much, and when should we stop hoping? When should we give up on causes, on people, on our people? What is it that kills hope? What is it that keeps it alive? Hope is not optimism, a belief that things will somehow turn right. The equation of hope is more complex: Hope = Aspiration + Good + Uncertainty + Efficacy. We hope when we aspire for an uncertain good, which we (believe we) can aid. But we rarely consider all these before we utter “hope.” The word is often just one offhanded comment away. “I hope to do well in the exam.” Well, duh! We rarely hope to fail, unless we deem failure as good. Hope then is a bit banal sentiment, so pervasive to be almost transparent. That much is plain in philosophy and psychology, and politics. Eminent thinkers made hope a cornerstone of human life but only noted this in passing. Thomas Hobbes, for example, rarely discusses hope in his political psychology, but when he does, it’s the “equality of hope” in the state of nature that should make people seek the protection of the mighty Leviathan. Spinoza too pays hope just scant attention but argues that together with fear, it’s the basis of political power, and the reason people follow the social contract. Immanuel Kant took hope more seriously. In his Critique of Pure Reason, “What can I know?” and “What should I do?” are Kant’s two well-known questions, the “is” and “ought” pillars of philosophy. But then, alongside this famous twin, Kant surprises us with a third fundamental conundrum: “What may I hope?” And here it gets interesting, since—atypical of Kant—emotions kick in, and so does God. For Kant, a prime good to hope for is personal happiness. But a precursor to The Good Place’s Chidi, always seeking the ethical good (though perhaps not amidst sunset), Kant doesn’t just want to be happy, he wants to be happy because he’s good! But who can ever assure us that good people would be happy, and, presumably, bad ones miserable? Not a single person, Kant realizes, as he summons the “highest reason,” namely God, to help us hope for moral progress, personal and universal, which would lead to happiness. Kant failed. While asking, “What may I hope?” Kant actually answered to, “What can’t I hope without?” Still, God is, at best, a necessary, but never a sufficient, condition for humans’ hope for happiness and for the good. After all, even under God, good people often get the short end of the stick, awaiting their carrot in heaven. Perhaps Kant failed because he didn’t hope enough. Unlike Kant, Søren Kierkegaard didn’t resort to Reason to give God center stage in his theatre of hope. For the Danish existentialist, earthly, natural hopes are bound to disappoint us. But they serve a superior purpose by paving a path for eternal hope, which “is against hope, because according to that purely natural hope there [is] no more hope; consequently this hope is against hope.” How far can one "hope against hope," against all possible odds? Kierkegaard wanted to go as far as possible, to a father sacrificing his beloved son, believing that somehow his beloved God will save the day. He knighted the faithful Abraham for this remarkable “leap of faith.” But in the process, without realizing it, Kierkegaard tried to redeem God Himself – from His own cruel words and actions. Kierkegaard’s hope was in fact the reverse of what he sought. He didn't cast divine hope overcoming human hope, but earthly hope, his own, absolving the divine. But then, if humans are so powerful as to absolve God, why do they need that demiurge in the first place? They might just as well do away, and without, Him. What’s left? A realization: “Hope against hope” is a dead end. What is it that kills hope? Well, hope itself, or rather a barren hope. Hope “can survive the anti-life, the dark at the end of everything,” only when it’s not lonely. Otherwise, hope is nothing but a wishful feeling, an unmet desire, an inch away from despair, or worse, destruction. In human affairs, “I am hope” is never enough; “we are hope” is the only path to realizable dreams. Hope requires partnership, and à la Franz Kafka, there is indeed, “no hope for us” without it. With it, helping each other hope, often for different things, everything’s possible, and “the dark at the end” can be a bright beginning. What may we hope for? Anything.
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  • Can You Be OK When Your Partner Is Not OK?
    Part 1: How to get more comfortable when your relationship is uncomfortable.
    Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

    While "codependent" is not a clinical diagnosis or recognized personality disorder, it remains a widely- used term for someone who’s self-sacrificing, a caregiver who gives at the expense of her own well-being, and who enables her partner’s addictive or self-destructive behavior. These tendencies show up in many forms, and are about much more than self-sacrifice and enabling addiction. In fact, there’s a whole aspect of what we call "codependency" that many are not aware of—a way of being in a relationship which is considered normal, but is dysfunctional at its core. While it may not produce the destructive consequences of enabling a partner's addiction, this hidden codependency comes with its own fierce consequences, namely, the abandonment and loss of yourself and the erosion of your self-esteem.

    Hidden codependency, in a nutshell, is I’m not okay if we’re not okay, and even more to the point, I’m not okay if you’re not okay—with me. When you struggle with this issue, conflict in your relationship is profoundly disturbing to your well-being. You need the relationship to be conflict-free in order to maintain your own equilibrium. It’s frightening and anxious-making when your relationship is not in a good place; you feel as if you must immediately do whatever it takes to reestablish peace and get back your partner's approval—essentially, to make the relationship good again.

    When you live with this kind of insecurity, you’re constantly managing, adjusting, repressing, and apologizing for your thoughts and feelings. You may have difficulty communicating truthfully and setting boundaries because doing so might risk being displeasing to your partner and therefore disruptive to the relationship. Simultaneously, you may not be able to identify your own feelings, wants, and needs, as you are hyper-focused on what your partner feels, wants, and needs, how they’re doing, and most of all, how they're doing with you. Your self-esteem is reliant on your partner’s perception of you and not your own self-experience. Ultimately, your partner liking you is more important than you liking you, and harmony in the relationship comes at the cost of being in a relationship with yourself.

    Hidden "codependency" keeps your nervous system in a tenuous and fragile state; your well-being is reliant on someone else’s: your partner’s. If your partner comes home in a bad mood, you are destabilized until they’re okay again and things between you are back to smooth sailing. And usually, you assume that your partner’s not-okayness is a result of something you did wrong. But regardless of whether you think you caused it, their bad mood is a threat to the relationship, and it’s your job to fix it—immediately.

    As a result, a good portion of your energy and attention must remain focused outward, away from yourself and your own life, devoted to monitoring your partner’s experience—how they’re feeling about you and the state of the relationship. The relationship thus occupies a tremendous amount of emotional and mental real estate; like a background program filling up your hard drive, always running in your mind and body (or in the foreground when things get bumpy). You’re always tracking what needs to be done to maintain or reestablish peace.

    Ultimately, these tendencies require you to live in a state of hyper-vigilance—maybe not fight or flight, but close to it, with one eye always scanning for signs of disruption and potential instability, and anything that might lead to the relationship’s end. This way of living then leaves you emotionally exhausted, burnt out from constantly riding the roller coaster of someone else’s emotions, projections, and perceptions. Continually flip-flopping back and forth, from a state of high anxiety and even panic when there’s conflict in the relationship to temporary calmness and relief when it settles down and feels good again, leaves you utterly depleted and without energy or compassion left for yourself.

    The nut of it—the underlying feeling with this kind of "codependency" is that without the relationship, you will not survive. You need the relationship not just to like yourself, to feel valuable and worthy, but also—and this is where the stakes get really high (and dire)—just to exist. Even if it’s not conscious and might sound untrue to your front brain, the deeply-held core belief is this: If the relationship ends, you will end. If you want to evolve out of this way of being, this is the core belief that needs your attention, curiosity, and compassion.

    In Part 2 of this series, I will examine the roots of this core belief—namely, that you need the relationship to be okay and survive, which ultimately fuels the condition commonly referred to as "codependency." I will also examine how you can start to break free from this deep-seated relational operating system, so that you can find yourself again within your relationship—the me within the we—and create independence within the interdependence of your partnership. All of this requires a fundamental paradigm shift and a new model for love, one that includes discomfort and conflict, disapproval and even disliking of the current experience, all within the safe container and security of the bond. And finally, I'll investigate how you can know and trust that emotional balance and well-being exist wholly within you, and rely on no one else’s approval or perception, not even your partner's.

    What sets you free from codependence is knowing and believing that your most solid ground and deepest okay-ness stem from your relationship with yourself. Just as a jumbo jet flies through turbulence effortlessly and smoothly, there is an all is well place inside you that, once you're in touch with it, can maintain its equilibrium even when your relationship is going through bumps and bad weather.
    Can You Be OK When Your Partner Is Not OK? Part 1: How to get more comfortable when your relationship is uncomfortable. Reviewed by Gary Drevitch While "codependent" is not a clinical diagnosis or recognized personality disorder, it remains a widely- used term for someone who’s self-sacrificing, a caregiver who gives at the expense of her own well-being, and who enables her partner’s addictive or self-destructive behavior. These tendencies show up in many forms, and are about much more than self-sacrifice and enabling addiction. In fact, there’s a whole aspect of what we call "codependency" that many are not aware of—a way of being in a relationship which is considered normal, but is dysfunctional at its core. While it may not produce the destructive consequences of enabling a partner's addiction, this hidden codependency comes with its own fierce consequences, namely, the abandonment and loss of yourself and the erosion of your self-esteem. Hidden codependency, in a nutshell, is I’m not okay if we’re not okay, and even more to the point, I’m not okay if you’re not okay—with me. When you struggle with this issue, conflict in your relationship is profoundly disturbing to your well-being. You need the relationship to be conflict-free in order to maintain your own equilibrium. It’s frightening and anxious-making when your relationship is not in a good place; you feel as if you must immediately do whatever it takes to reestablish peace and get back your partner's approval—essentially, to make the relationship good again. When you live with this kind of insecurity, you’re constantly managing, adjusting, repressing, and apologizing for your thoughts and feelings. You may have difficulty communicating truthfully and setting boundaries because doing so might risk being displeasing to your partner and therefore disruptive to the relationship. Simultaneously, you may not be able to identify your own feelings, wants, and needs, as you are hyper-focused on what your partner feels, wants, and needs, how they’re doing, and most of all, how they're doing with you. Your self-esteem is reliant on your partner’s perception of you and not your own self-experience. Ultimately, your partner liking you is more important than you liking you, and harmony in the relationship comes at the cost of being in a relationship with yourself. Hidden "codependency" keeps your nervous system in a tenuous and fragile state; your well-being is reliant on someone else’s: your partner’s. If your partner comes home in a bad mood, you are destabilized until they’re okay again and things between you are back to smooth sailing. And usually, you assume that your partner’s not-okayness is a result of something you did wrong. But regardless of whether you think you caused it, their bad mood is a threat to the relationship, and it’s your job to fix it—immediately. As a result, a good portion of your energy and attention must remain focused outward, away from yourself and your own life, devoted to monitoring your partner’s experience—how they’re feeling about you and the state of the relationship. The relationship thus occupies a tremendous amount of emotional and mental real estate; like a background program filling up your hard drive, always running in your mind and body (or in the foreground when things get bumpy). You’re always tracking what needs to be done to maintain or reestablish peace. Ultimately, these tendencies require you to live in a state of hyper-vigilance—maybe not fight or flight, but close to it, with one eye always scanning for signs of disruption and potential instability, and anything that might lead to the relationship’s end. This way of living then leaves you emotionally exhausted, burnt out from constantly riding the roller coaster of someone else’s emotions, projections, and perceptions. Continually flip-flopping back and forth, from a state of high anxiety and even panic when there’s conflict in the relationship to temporary calmness and relief when it settles down and feels good again, leaves you utterly depleted and without energy or compassion left for yourself. The nut of it—the underlying feeling with this kind of "codependency" is that without the relationship, you will not survive. You need the relationship not just to like yourself, to feel valuable and worthy, but also—and this is where the stakes get really high (and dire)—just to exist. Even if it’s not conscious and might sound untrue to your front brain, the deeply-held core belief is this: If the relationship ends, you will end. If you want to evolve out of this way of being, this is the core belief that needs your attention, curiosity, and compassion. In Part 2 of this series, I will examine the roots of this core belief—namely, that you need the relationship to be okay and survive, which ultimately fuels the condition commonly referred to as "codependency." I will also examine how you can start to break free from this deep-seated relational operating system, so that you can find yourself again within your relationship—the me within the we—and create independence within the interdependence of your partnership. All of this requires a fundamental paradigm shift and a new model for love, one that includes discomfort and conflict, disapproval and even disliking of the current experience, all within the safe container and security of the bond. And finally, I'll investigate how you can know and trust that emotional balance and well-being exist wholly within you, and rely on no one else’s approval or perception, not even your partner's. What sets you free from codependence is knowing and believing that your most solid ground and deepest okay-ness stem from your relationship with yourself. Just as a jumbo jet flies through turbulence effortlessly and smoothly, there is an all is well place inside you that, once you're in touch with it, can maintain its equilibrium even when your relationship is going through bumps and bad weather.
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