What Should We Hope For?
The equation of hope can help us realize our dreams, and their limits.
Reviewed by Lybi Ma

KEY POINTS-
Hope is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, but eminent thinkers of human nature often noted it only in passing.
Hope is not optimism, its equation is more complex: Hope = Aspiration + Good + Uncertainty + Efficacy.
Hope requires partnership. In human affairs, “I am hope” is never enough; “we are hope” is the only path of realizable dreams.
Looking at a painting or a photograph, where the sun meets the horizon, it’s not always easy to tell if it’s dusk or dawn. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell in real life as well. In such uncertain moments, rather than looking at sunset or sunrise to establish directions, we look for our compass to offer guidance – to catch the sun, and earth’s intentions.

This is Passover, a time to celebrate emancipation from slavery – and to calibrate our compass, emotional and moral, to rediscover hope. I write this in Israel, where the light of liberties flickers in limbo, the country’s fragile democracy lingering between death and rebirth.

Entering a slightly dreamy mood, I recalled a recent moment when popular culture hit home, and a Netflix show I thought was fun to watch became, with a single scene, personal, perhaps too personal.

But even for Sandman, that weaver of dreams, are there certain dreams that are too much to dare? What should we hope for, how much, and when should we stop hoping? When should we give up on causes, on people, on our people? What is it that kills hope? What is it that keeps it alive?

Hope is not optimism, a belief that things will somehow turn right. The equation of hope is more complex: Hope = Aspiration + Good + Uncertainty + Efficacy. We hope when we aspire for an uncertain good, which we (believe we) can aid. But we rarely consider all these before we utter “hope.” The word is often just one offhanded comment away. “I hope to do well in the exam.” Well, duh! We rarely hope to fail, unless we deem failure as good.

Hope then is a bit banal sentiment, so pervasive to be almost transparent. That much is plain in philosophy and psychology, and politics. Eminent thinkers made hope a cornerstone of human life but only noted this in passing. Thomas Hobbes, for example, rarely discusses hope in his political psychology, but when he does, it’s the “equality of hope” in the state of nature that should make people seek the protection of the mighty Leviathan. Spinoza too pays hope just scant attention but argues that together with fear, it’s the basis of political power, and the reason people follow the social contract.

Immanuel Kant took hope more seriously. In his Critique of Pure Reason, “What can I know?” and “What should I do?” are Kant’s two well-known questions, the “is” and “ought” pillars of philosophy. But then, alongside this famous twin, Kant surprises us with a third fundamental conundrum: “What may I hope?”

And here it gets interesting, since—atypical of Kant—emotions kick in, and so does God. For Kant, a prime good to hope for is personal happiness. But a precursor to The Good Place’s Chidi, always seeking the ethical good (though perhaps not amidst sunset), Kant doesn’t just want to be happy, he wants to be happy because he’s good! But who can ever assure us that good people would be happy, and, presumably, bad ones miserable? Not a single person, Kant realizes, as he summons the “highest reason,” namely God, to help us hope for moral progress, personal and universal, which would lead to happiness.

Kant failed. While asking, “What may I hope?” Kant actually answered to, “What can’t I hope without?” Still, God is, at best, a necessary, but never a sufficient, condition for humans’ hope for happiness and for the good. After all, even under God, good people often get the short end of the stick, awaiting their carrot in heaven.

Perhaps Kant failed because he didn’t hope enough. Unlike Kant, Søren Kierkegaard didn’t resort to Reason to give God center stage in his theatre of hope. For the Danish existentialist, earthly, natural hopes are bound to disappoint us. But they serve a superior purpose by paving a path for eternal hope, which “is against hope, because according to that purely natural hope there [is] no more hope; consequently this hope is against hope.”

How far can one "hope against hope," against all possible odds? Kierkegaard wanted to go as far as possible, to a father sacrificing his beloved son, believing that somehow his beloved God will save the day. He knighted the faithful Abraham for this remarkable “leap of faith.” But in the process, without realizing it, Kierkegaard tried to redeem God Himself – from His own cruel words and actions.

Kierkegaard’s hope was in fact the reverse of what he sought. He didn't cast divine hope overcoming human hope, but earthly hope, his own, absolving the divine. But then, if humans are so powerful as to absolve God, why do they need that demiurge in the first place? They might just as well do away, and without, Him. What’s left?

A realization: “Hope against hope” is a dead end. What is it that kills hope? Well, hope itself, or rather a barren hope. Hope “can survive the anti-life, the dark at the end of everything,” only when it’s not lonely. Otherwise, hope is nothing but a wishful feeling, an unmet desire, an inch away from despair, or worse, destruction.

In human affairs, “I am hope” is never enough; “we are hope” is the only path to realizable dreams. Hope requires partnership, and à la Franz Kafka, there is indeed, “no hope for us” without it. With it, helping each other hope, often for different things, everything’s possible, and “the dark at the end” can be a bright beginning. What may we hope for? Anything.

PSYCHOSIS-
Communicating Effectively with Loved Ones Who Have Psychosis.
Tips for navigating a complicated disorder.
Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano

KEY POINTS-
Psychosis is an often-misunderstood, highly stigmatized psychological condition.
If you have a loved one who is suffering from psychosis, you can help reduce symptoms by cultivating an open, trusting relationship with them.
You can provide your loved one with the security they need to recover by showing up for them consistently and predictably.
Psychosis is a widely misunderstood, highly stigmatized psychological condition. Despite the fact that individuals with psychosis pose a greater threat to themselves than to anyone else, they’re often portrayed as dangerous. This misperception increases the chances they'll face severe discrimination and social isolation, making it more difficult for them to get the help they need to recover and live personally gratifying lives.

Strong support networks can counteract the negative effects of the misinformation surrounding this condition. If you have a loved one who is suffering from psychosis, you can help reduce the severity of their symptoms by cultivating an open, trusting relationship with them. Doing so requires frequent communication, and although the cognitive and emotional effects of psychosis can make that challenging, there are steps you can take to overcome barriers and connect meaningfully with your loved one.

1. Understand what psychosis is and how it affects your loved one.
Broadly, psychosis refers to a disruption in an individual's experience of reality. It can be caused by a mental health condition, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, or it can be triggered by environmental factors, such as prolonged sleep deprivation, certain prescription drugs, or substance abuse. Symptoms can manifest as delusions, which are false beliefs, or hallucinations, which are false perceptions. While not objectively real, delusions and hallucinations are present and palpable to the individuals in whom they occur. At minimum, they're extremely distracting; often, they're downright distressing.

As a result, psychosis is often accompanied by disorganized thoughts and speech, executive dysfunction, and odd and/or misplaced behaviors. Meet such symptoms with compassion, and avoid becoming frustrated with your loved one for any impulsivity or lack of focus they may exhibit. If you persist in conversing with them in spite of the impediments, you may find that their symptoms cause less interference as time goes on. There is evidence that the act of speaking itself can reduce the severity of certain types of hallucinations.

An individual's first psychotic episode often occurs during young adulthood, interrupting a critical phase of growth. Consequently, many who suffer from the condition feel robbed of key life experiences. If your loved one has or is expressing interest in starting a job, dating, or another "normal" young adult activity, don’t waive that off as untenable because of their condition. Doing so could fuel resentment between you and your loved one, preventing the cultivation of a trusting relationship. Instead, facilitate an honest discussion about how your loved one could pursue their interests with their condition. Not only will this reinforce the notion that you are their ally but it will also help them become more self-aware.

2. Set the stage for effective communication.
The symptoms associated with psychosis can be extremely sensitive to environmental conditions. This is why it's important to select a setting for interactions with your loved one that they find comfortable. If they feel as though they’re being surveilled when out in public, for example, don’t invite them to a coffee shop. Instead, meet them at home, and ensure that the room in which you initiate conversation is uncluttered. An orderly environment is soothing for everyone, especially those with high degrees of internal stimulation.

The space in which you choose to interact with your loved one should be orderly and also free of triggering objects. Say your loved one believes that the CIA has tapped all of the devices in their house. You can prevent the belief from derailing your communication attempts by putting all electronics temporarily out of sight.

You can also choose to interact with your loved one outdoors. Walking promotes focus and stimulates creativity; it can be an extremely effective tool for encouraging the taciturn to volunteer more information. Be sure to choose a route that’s relatively free of noise, crowds, and other distractions. The more tranquil the context, the less disruptive your loved one’s symptoms will be.

In general, individuals with psychosis tend to fare much better in one-on-one conversations than in groups. Group dynamics can be overwhelming and even distressing; those who suffer from paranoia may be especially prone to unease when forced to interact with multiple people at once. To set your loved one up for communication success, put their peace of mind first, and avoid inviting others into your conversations with them.

3. Acknowledge and affirm your loved one’s humanity.
Make a concerted effort to understand your loved one’s experiences and express compassion for them. If they tell you they're hearing voices or seeing terrifying figures, don't blithely assert those things aren't real: It won't make their hallucinations go away, but it will create distance between you and your loved one.

Instead, validate their emotions while remaining candid about how your experience of reality differs from theirs. You might say something to the effect of, "That sounds really hurtful/scary. I don't hear that same voice/see that same figure, but I believe you do." It is a common misconception that talking about hallucinations or delusions eggs them on, but the reality is: Engaging in nonjudgmental conversation around your loved one's lived experiences removes taboos associated with them, reducing the amount of distress they cause.

To that end, try to employ the same language they use to describe their delusions or hallucinations. Directly and unambiguously addressing their experiences will mitigate confusion and increase the chances that your loved one views you as a source of support. If they refer to the things they're seeing as "entities," don't respond with, "I believe you're seeing things," which might lead them to think you don't understand what they're trying to articulate. Instead, say, "I believe you're seeing entities."

The human craving for autonomy doesn't go away just because someone has experienced or is experiencing hallucinations or delusions. Honor your loved one's agency by helping them understand the choices they have rather than forcing them to comply with what you would choose for them. This is especially important in conversations around medication. Studies have shown that shared decision-making decreases prescription non-adherence among individuals with schizophrenia.

If your loved one wants to stop taking their antipsychotic medication, ask them why and listen nonjudgmentally to their reasons. Then, respond with both an acknowledgment of their feelings and an explanation of the consequences they'd face, like this: "I can understand how frustrating it must be to feel dulled emotions, but if you do decide to stop taking your medicine, you'll start to believe that [insert loved one's symptoms here]. This will cause you to behave in ways that are unsafe for yourself and others, and that will result in a [enter consequences here]."

4. Meet your loved one where they are.
Because most people's delusions or hallucinations are upsetting, it's important to assure your loved one that they're safe while you interact with them. You can do this by maintaining an even-tempered expression, avoiding overly animated body language, and giving them plenty of personal space.

Verbal affirmations are also helpful. If your loved one believes the CIA has tapped their phone, for instance, try sharing something to this effect: "I understand how stressful it must be for you to believe the CIA has tapped your phone, but I have no evidence of that, so I don't share your belief. If I did, I would take immediate action to protect our privacy, because my top priority is making sure you and I are both safe."

The symptoms of psychosis wax and wane according to both internal and external conditions, so pay close attention to your loved one’s behaviors. If they’re exhibiting signs of escalation, refrain from trying to initiate conversation then. Prioritize de-escalation, and in the event that your loved one has entered crisis territory, safety should be your number-one concern. Get to the hospital or call 911 if necessary. You should wait until they've regained stability to start the work of relationship building.

5. Be consistent.
Having psychosis can feel like living on perpetually shifting grounds. You can provide your loved one with the security they need to recover by showing up for them consistently and predictably. Do what you say; say what you’ll do. When you need to collect dirty clothes from their room, for example, let them know beforehand: “I’m going to go into your room to grab your laundry now so I can wash it.” Or, if you know a representative from the cable company will be coming over to troubleshoot wifi issues, give your loved one plenty of advance notice.

In addition to accommodating their needs, it’s important to set and reinforce clear boundaries with your loved one so that they can learn how to cope with symptoms. When living in the same house as you, they can’t bar you from entering certain rooms, for instance. Communicate this rule with them, then remind them of it when necessary. In the event that they become defiant, calmly explain that their behavior is not acceptable, and hold them accountable for their actions. Just as you wouldn’t want your loved one’s symptoms to run their lives, their symptoms shouldn’t run yours, either.

Consistency can require a lot of effort, especially when having to hold boundaries your loved one doesn’t like. To ensure you don’t react in an inflammatory way when they defy or break rules, don't forget to tend to your own mental health. Lean on your community, ask for help, take space when you need it, and engage in regular self-care practices. By getting the support you need, you enable yourself to give your loved one the support they need, too.

DEPRESSION-
3 Ways to Overcome Feelings of Emptiness.
Here's how to go from feeling nothing to feeling something good.
Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Numbness is not an uncommon feeling, manifesting as a combination of confusion, loneliness, a lack of motivation, and a disinterest in our surroundings. It can often emerge ‘out of nowhere’ with no particular cause.

Psychologists define this feeling of emptiness as a complex, negative emotional state that is experienced in different ways by different individuals. An article published in the Harvard Review of Psychiatry proposed three elements that are central to its emergence:

Feelings of chronic tiredness and lethargy in the body
Withdrawal, isolation, and loneliness, even within one’s social circle
Persistent feelings of dissatisfaction and unfulfillment
The interplay of mind, body, and emotions all contribute to feelings of despondency.

Of course, it is a state like any other – and all states change over time. Here are three things you can do to go from feeling nothing to feeling better.

1. Find something to look forward to each and every day
Difficult relationships, stressful jobs, losses, and failures are just some of the circumstances that can create a lingering feeling of emptiness. The intensity of our busy lives makes it easy to lose touch with ourselves.

One study attempted to define what emptiness felt like in psychologically distressed individuals. The authors, led by Caitlin Miller of the University of Wollongong in Australia, found it to be closely associated with purposelessness and a lack of self-direction. Here are how a few of the respondents in the study described the feeling:

“It’s just your kind of very robotic and very, like, there is no meaning or purpose, I guess.”
“Oh dear, it’s a black hole. I guess it’s that drowning, you know, drowning.”
“It’s like wind inside a tin can, like you’re the tin can.”
Meaningless living with no pleasure leaves us with a constant feeling that something is missing. To break out of this destructive cycle, you may consider finding things to look forward to. Here are some questions that can help:

What specific thing can make me happy today?
What is a simple, achievable target I can set for myself?
What can I get rid of that is adding to my stress?
2. Let the past be
Unprocessed events from our past keep unresolved feelings buried within us. Any overwhelming event, painful childhood memory, or significant loss – when left unexplored – eventually catches up to us.

When we choose to ignore and live in a state of denial, we fuel the void growing within us – deepening our feelings of numbness. A few ways to let go of the history that is holding you back are to:

Bring the past to the present and process it in the here and now. Think of your life as ‘what it is now’ rather than ‘what it was at one time.’
Keep an open mind. Allow yourself to let go of old beliefs to make space for new ones.
Pay gratitude for all of the things that bring you happiness rather than focusing on what has been lost.
It is always advisable to explore your emotions with the guidance of a mental health professional.

3. Choose to be self-compassionate
For many, taking care of others always comes first. This is fine unless it causes you to (1) abandon yourself and your hopes and desires or (2) feel guilty and shameful for spending time and effort on your own wants and needs.

One way to restore your sense of self-compassion when you feel overburdened by others who need your support is to practice self-affirmations. Research suggests that simply reminding ourselves of the values we hold dear has a positive impact on our well-being and also protects us against upcoming threats and challenges.

Here are some questions to reflect upon to help you increase your level of self-compassion.

How do I treat myself when I don’t live up to my expectations?
Do I give myself time to engage in activities I like?
Do I assert myself and uphold my boundaries?
Do I tend to my social, emotional, and physical needs?
Do I spend more time on social media comparing myself to others rather than focusing on myself?
Daily self-care activities and little positive reminders for yourself can help you feel less empty.

Conclusion
Not every day will be rainbows and sunshine. But feelings of numbness and emptiness need not last forever. To reverse the cycle, find things to look forward to every day, process and move on from traumatic past experiences, and choose self-compassion over self-criticism.

BIAS-
Accepting Evolution and Rejecting Racism.
A study links rejection of evolutionary theory to racial prejudice.
Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

KEY POINTS-
Research suggests that rejection of evolution is linked to social prejudices.
In the past, Darwinism was used to justify social hierarchies.
Today, belief in evolutionary theory may be connected to acceptance of groups other than one's own.
When Darwin proposed his theory that asserted that humans share a common ancestry with other animals through an evolutionary process, a common rebuttal claimed that there needed to be a creature who stood between humans and apes. No such fossil had yet been uncovered, they said, thereby disproving the theory of evolution.

"Missing Links"
Since the publication of Origin of the Species in 1859, many “missing links” in fact have been uncovered, including the early 21st-century discovery of Australothecus sediba and, more recently, the uncovering of the remains of an archaic human in Israel. Winner of the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine, Svante Paabo, demonstrated by comparing the genomes of different human species "that modern humans split from the more archaic humans about 550,000 to 760,000 years ago, and the Neanderthals and Denisovans split into distinct groups 380,000 to 470,000 years ago."

Darwin’s theory has been refined over a century—he wrote before science understood the role of genetics in inheritance, for example. Yet, the essential insight of his theory remains: Human beings evolved over eons and share a common ancestry tree with apes, other now-distinct hominoids, and indeed with all of life on Earth.

However, there are many who reject evolution as a fact of nature. In a 2018 survey, 40 percent of Americans said they believed that Homo sapiens were created about 10,000 years ago in their present form.

Study of Evolutional Theory and Social Prejudice
In an article published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Stylianos Syropoulos, at the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences, University of Massachusetts Amherst, and colleagues wanted to go beyond the profiles of respondents in the Gallup poll. They hypothesized that there was a correlation between those who reject evolutionary theory and social prejudice as well as intergroup hostility. Across samples from 45 countries involving tens of thousands of people, they found the following:

low belief in human evolution was associated with higher levels of prejudice, racist attitudes, and support for discriminatory behaviors against Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ), Blacks, and immigrants in the United States [and] greater prejudice and militaristic attitudes toward political outgroups.

Syropoulos explains,
People who perceive themselves as more similar to animals are also people who tend to have more pro-social or positive attitudes toward outgroup members or people from stigmatized and marginalized backgrounds. In this investigation, we were interested in examining whether belief in evolution would also act in a similar way, because it would reinforce this belief that we are more similar to animals.

Interestingly, the findings are the reverse of what some feared when Darwin’s theories first gained popularity. Darwinism was misunderstood and abused by Social Darwinists who rationalized their own success no matter how ruthlessly gotten by saying it was the "survival of the fittest." Happily, today, instead of unleashing the worst in those who view humanity as continuous with other primates, a belief in evolution is correlated with compassion, acceptance of those outside one’s own group, and less violent resolutions to conflict.

Why the correlation exists is a complex question, and whether there is a cause and effect is equally difficult to determine. The rejection of evolution may be a proxy for other factors, although researchers did control for several, including gender and religion. Other factors not yet identified may turn out to be causal.

In any case, the evidence does point in a consistent direction: A more generous and kind view of others is linked to an acceptance of evolution and the interconnectedness of all humanity to the natural world.

TRAUMA-
How Trauma Interrupts Each Stage of Lifespan Development.
How to fast-track healing by using interventions to help you love your life.
Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

KEY POINTS-
A traumatic event can occur at any stage of development and hinder growth and success; it can even stop development altogether.
Interventions designed to help trauma that is interrupting development aim to create experiences of the unfinished or underdeveloped stage.
With the proper support and resources, you can move forward, rebuild a fulfilling and meaningful life, and find your true essence.

Trauma can profoundly affect growth and development. Left to our own devices for healing, we will attempt to self-heal, resulting in a loss of opportunity to reach our true potential and, generally, a loss of love for life. When we understand where the trauma impact impeded our development and where to target our healing intervention, we can explore how interventions that specifically treat these stages can help fast-track healing and make it easier to love your life and yourself.

Erikson's 8 Stages of Development
Erikson's stages of development is a robust model that describes eight distinct periods that build on each other from infancy to old age. Each stage has a psychosocial crisis that must be resolved positively for successful development.

These stages are as follows:
Stage 1: Trust versus mistrust (birth to 18 months): During infancy, our development is centered on how we get our basic needs met—for example, food, warmth, and affection. In this stage, infants have to learn to trust their caregivers. Usually, their parents help them to feel secure and comfortable with exploring their world.

Stage 2: Autonomy versus shame and doubt (18 months to 3 years): As children gain more physical abilities, they develop a sense of autonomy or independence, feeling like they have control over their world.

Stage 3: Initiative versus guilt (3 to 6 years): Children are eager to explore their environment and learn new things at this stage. They are curious and imaginative, and so they begin to initiate activities, which can then lead to feelings of guilt if they are made to feel like their independence is wrong.

Stage 4: Industry versus inferiority (6 to 11 years): This stage represents the beginning of formal education, and children start to gain more awareness of their place in the world. Children feel a sense of accomplishment when they succeed and can be productive. However, if they cannot meet their expectations, they can begin to feel inferior and less than their peers.

Stage 5: Identity versus role confusion (11 to 18 years): Adolescence marks the beginning of a search for personal identity as they try to figure out who they are and what their life will be like as adults.

Stage 6: Intimacy versus isolation (18 to 40 years): We are ready and confident to develop lasting intimate relationships after successfully resolving our identity crisis.

Stage 7: Generativity versus stagnation (40 to 65 years): During this stage, we focus on being productive in our community, family, and work, which can help us feel fulfilled.

Stage 8: Ego integrity versus despair (65 years and older): As we grow older, we come to terms with our lives and the life we've lived. During this stage, we reflect on our lives, feeling either a sense of satisfaction or despair.

Trauma and Interruptions of Development
Trauma can interfere with the development process in numerous ways. A traumatic event can occur at any stage of development and hinder growth and success. Trauma can also stop development altogether, freezing the individual in an earlier stage of development and making it challenging to move forward.

For example, traumatic events during stage 1 can cause a child to mistrust the world and its people. This can lead to difficulty forming meaningful relationships or feeling secure. Likewise, trauma during stage 6 can prevent an individual from developing a trusting relationship later in life, resulting in isolation.

Interventions for Trauma
Interventions designed to help trauma that is interrupting Erikson's stages of development aim to create experiences that function similarly to the unfinished or underdeveloped stage. Interventions are chosen based on the stage that the person is stuck in.

One successful intervention is play therapy, a way of providing children with a safe environment to explore their feelings and engage their imagination, allowing the child stuck in an earlier stage to have a chance to experience healthy development.

Other interventions for adults include trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy, schema therapy, schema coaching, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, and somatic experiencing.

As we learn more about trauma and its effects on development, interventions are becoming more effective at treating trauma, providing timely resources and support throughout the healing process. For example, if you have experienced trauma that interrupted your development, speaking to a therapist trained in trauma-focused intervention can help unstick you from your past and fast track your personal development. And, with personalized support, you can learn to love your life and yourself a little more each day.

It's important to remember that healing is possible. You can make great strides in personal growth even after a traumatic experience. With the proper support and resources, you can move forward, rebuild a fulfilling and meaningful life, and find your true essence.

Unlocking the Hidden Potential of First Impressions.
Ten ways to wow when meeting someone new.
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

KEY POINTS-
We form first impressions within seconds of meeting someone.
We primarily base first impressions on an individual's physical appearance, demeanor, communication style, and body language.
Steps to make a positive first impression include being on time, introducing yourself, and showing interest.

Will Rogers famously said, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression," emphasizing the significance of initial evaluations and their impact on our interactions with others. First impressions are not just about an individual's physical appearance but also include their demeanor, communication style, and body language. These assessments occur automatically and quickly, often within seconds of meeting someone, and can influence our attitudes and behaviors toward them.

Although some argue that first impressions can be misleading or biased, research has consistently shown that they play a crucial role in shaping our interactions with others. By understanding the importance of first impressions, individuals can consciously present themselves in a positive light, increasing their chances of success in social, professional, and personal relationships.

Social Interaction
First impressions can significantly affect social interaction, shaping how we perceive and respond to others. A study by Willis and Todorov (2006) found that people form judgments about others' traits within the first 100 milliseconds of meeting them. These judgments are primarily based on facial appearance, with individuals perceiving more attractive faces as trustworthy, competent, and likable.

Similarly, research by Ambady and Rosenthal (1992) demonstrated that brief video clips of individuals interacting with others provided enough information for people to make accurate judgments about the person's personality. Participants accurately predicted whether a teacher would be judged as warm, cold, or tough based on a 30-second silent video clip. These findings suggest brief interactions provide valuable information for judging others, shaping how we perceive and respond to them.

Furthermore, first impressions can also shape our attitudes and behaviors toward individuals, influencing how we interact with them in the future. Research by Fiske and colleagues (2002) showed that people often categorize individuals into social groups based on their first impression, leading to stereotyping and biased attitudes towards them. These initial evaluations can also impact our behavior towards individuals, influencing our willingness to cooperate with them and make concessions during negotiations.

Career Advancement
First impressions are also significant in career advancement, as they can influence an individual's job prospects and promotion opportunities. Research has shown that job candidates' physical appearance significantly affected their chances of being hired, with attractive candidates receiving higher ratings for employability, intelligence, and competence.

Other researchers found that brief, silent video clips of college instructors were enough to predict their end-of-semester student evaluations accurately. Ratings were based on nonverbal behaviors such as facial expressions, body language, vocal tone, and physical attractiveness. The study highlights the powerful impact of first impressions on important outcomes such as job performance evaluations.

Another study investigated the use of social media in the selection process by having recruiters evaluate job candidates based on their Facebook profiles. Results showed that recruiters' first impressions of job candidates based on their Facebook profiles significantly influenced their job suitability ratings, even after accounting for traditional measures such as resumes and interviews. The study suggests that social media profiles can provide additional information for recruiters but also highlights the potential for adverse impact and bias in the selection process.

Personal Relationships
Researchers examined the role of ideal partner preferences in initiating and maintaining romantic relationships. Results showed that people tend to form romantic relationships with others who match their ideal preferences on important traits, such as physical attractiveness and social status. The study also demonstrated that people tend to become more flexible in their preferences once a connection is established. First impressions and initial evaluations are key in the early stages of relationship formation.

A study by Bargh and McKenna (2004) found that people's first impressions of others on online dating sites influenced their subsequent interactions. Participants' initial evaluations of the other person's physical appearance, education level, and interests shaped their communication style and the topics they discussed during their interactions. These findings suggest that first impressions significantly shape our preferences and behaviors toward potential romantic partners.

Researchers also discovered that people judge others' trustworthiness, competence, and likability within the first 100 milliseconds of seeing their faces. This finding suggests that first impressions matter when making friends, as they can influence our willingness to connect with others based on our perceptions of their personality traits, nonverbal cues, and other factors.

Caution Regarding Initial Impressions
While first impressions can affect social interaction, career advancement, and personal relationships, it is essential to recognize their limitations. First impressions may be inaccurate, as individuals' behavior and personality can change. Additionally, first impressions can be biased and influenced by physical appearance, stereotypes, and social norms.

Despite these limitations, first impressions remain critical in interpersonal communication, shaping our perceptions and interactions. Understanding the importance of first impressions can help individuals better navigate social situations, create a positive online presence, and improve their job prospects and personal relationships.

Ten Ways to Make a Good First Impression
Making a positive first impression involves several factors, including appearance, nonverbal behavior, and communication style. Here are ten ways to make a good first impression:

Dress appropriately. Dressing appropriately for the occasion shows that you respect the event and the people attending it.
Smile. A smile can convey warmth and approachability, making others feel at ease.
Use positive body language. Positive body language, such as maintaining eye contact, standing tall, and using open gestures, can convey confidence and positivity.
Be on time. Arriving on time shows you are reliable and respect other people's time.
Introduce yourself. Introducing yourself with a friendly greeting can help break the ice and show you are approachable.
Listen actively. Listening actively and engaging with others shows you value their thoughts and opinions.
Show interest. Showing interest in the conversation and asking thoughtful questions to show you are engaged and curious.
Use appropriate language. Using appropriate language for the situation—avoiding offensive or inappropriate language shows that you are respectful and mindful of others.
Be authentic. Being authentic and genuine can help build trust and rapport with others.
Follow up. Following up after the initial meeting or conversation can show that you are interested in maintaining a connection and building a relationship.

A Lasting Impact
As Maya Angelou once stated, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." This quote emphasizes the lasting impact of first impressions on our interactions with others, as they can leave a lasting impression on an individual's emotions, attitudes, and behaviors toward us.

It is vital to recognize that initial evaluations occur automatically and quickly, making it crucial to present ourselves in a positive and authentic light. By being aware of the significance of first impressions, individuals can intentionally create a positive and memorable representation of themselves, influencing their success in social, professional, and personal relationships.

Coping with OCD as a Teen: A View from the Inside.
The distinctive experiences of OCD and its effective treatments.
Reviewed by Kaja Perina

KEY POINTS-
OCD is one of the most common psychiatric disorders for teens, but variations across cases can challenge our understanding of the disorder.
Regulated and demanding schedules, social stigma, and inadequate insurance complicate the lives of teens living with OCD.
Effective psychotherapeutic treatments for OCD produce meaningful changes that allow teens to regain equilibrium.
In an earlier blog post, I presented part of an in-depth interview with Simone E., a thirteen-year-old living in Northern California who was diagnosed with OCD in September of last year and hospitalized twice. She spoke of obsessions being "as urgent as a car crash," of not eating or sleeping for a week, of the persistent unhelpfulness of mental hospitals, and of the reawakening brought about by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

The first part of the interview related specific experiences with OCD that could be generalized to other teens with the same diagnosis. This second part presents new information, primarily focusing on lesser known aspects of OCD and larger societal issues.

Robert Kraft: What are distinctive and possibly less familiar symptoms of OCD that you think the general public should know about?

Simone E.: If music or sounds repeatedly play in your head and bother you, that’s also an intrusive thought that might be a part of OCD. But it’s not simply a catchy tune that you think about for a while. With OCD, the recurring thoughts of music or sounds persist much longer, they feel “sticky” – meaning they demand immediate attention, and they repeatedly get in the way of your day-to-day life.

If you have a compulsive urge for reassurance, that could mean OCD – for example, repeatedly feeling the need to ask a question like “what if I don’t fall asleep tonight?” or “is this person dead?”

Another lesser-known symptom of OCD is body hyperawareness, which I experienced more when I was younger. As a child, I would hyper focus on any tiny pains, assuming they were cancer.

There are so many different and disturbing symptoms that if you have any type of anxiety, it’s best to go to a specialized psychologist or psychiatrist, no matter if you think you have OCD or not.

RK: Why is mental health so urgent these days?

SE: We put so much pressure on our teens and kids in this society. “Get good grades! Get into a good college! Be socially successful! You have to be happy! are just a small handful of pressures we force on teens and kids. With these pressures, it’s only natural to feel frustrated, discouraged, and anxious.

Way less stress on teens is never a bad idea. My friends in high school barely have time to relax, given their stacks and stacks of homework. The people assigning and creating this system have to know that constantly working is never good for mental health.

World problems also contribute to extreme distress, although there are so many influences that it’s hard to pick just one. Covid certainly didn’t help.

RK: What changes would you like to see in society’s influence on mental health problems?

SE: I realize this is a complex issue, but we need more therapy being covered under insurance. I know a lot of people who’ve only had one therapy session because of lack of money, or people who can see a therapist only once a month. I’m glad medication is another option, but in-person therapy is essential in mental health and cannot be replaced by a pill.

RK: Recently, a United States senator openly acknowledged seeking help for his depression. This is an acknowledgment that would not have happened a generation ago. What are your thoughts on that?

SE: I love that this senator acknowledged his depression, and I think it’s impressive the progress we’ve made as a society with mental health. And I can’t imagine how stigmatized it used to be, especially with getting treatment for a condition like OCD.

RK: What are your views on the role of perfectionism in OCD and also the idea that perfectionism can be a productive tendency with some activities?

SE: This is something I haven’t quite conquered yet. My type of perfectionism is more the type where I immediately get very hard on myself and very self-critical if I don’t reach my goals. Perfectionism and procrastination are on a spectrum and it’s better to be in the middle in this case.

RK: What is your experience with the moral focus in OCD?
SE: Before I began my treatment, I used to obsess over the morality of my intrusive thoughts. I believed that if I had a bad thought, then I automatically must be a horrible person. I needed to be good. And when “bad” thoughts intruded, that made me a wrong person.

RK: You previously talked about the necessity of others being open to the seriousness of OCD in children and teens. What other advice do you have for parents and other adults who want to help?

SE: You can research OCD and learn more about the specific obsessions, which also might help us get a more accurate diagnosis if we’re not already diagnosed. More specifically, you can get us treatment with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) as soon as possible.

Elaboration of ERP as a Treatment for OCD
ERP achieves its effectiveness by addressing the two maladaptive connections that characterize OCD: 1) The connection between distressing thoughts and the situations that produce serious anxiety and 2) the connection between compulsive, ritualistic behaviors and decreasing the anxiety. Manipulating exposure is the main therapeutic tactic to break these connections. According to the noted clinician and researcher Jonathan Abramowitz, treatment of OCD with ERP methods is one of the great success stories within the field of mental health.

Complexities of OCD
OCD is defined by its relentlessly intrusive and unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors and rituals (compulsions) designed to reduce the overwhelming anxiety caused by the obsessions. But the distinction between compulsions and obsessions may not be obvious. While many compulsions are observable behaviors, some can be covert and unobservable, such as counting to oneself. And while obsessions are in the realm of the mind, an experience known as thought-action fusion leads to the belief that thinking about something increases the chances that it will happen or is actually equivalent to doing it.

OCD affects an estimated 2 percent of children and teens, which makes it one of the most common psychiatric disorders in that age group. Even so, the variations in each case can challenge our understanding of the disorder. Although generalizations are necessary, it is also necessary to hear first-hand accounts, such as those from Simone E.

This One Thing Increases a Woman’s Desire for Sex in Midlife.
A new study helps women struggling with low sexual desire.
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster

KEY POINTS-
Research shows that a woman’s interest in sex and the frequency with which she has it tends to decline more during midlife than men’s.
A new study suggests that the biggest factor for a woman's decreased sexual interest might be exhaustion from a collision of responsibilities.
We need to acknowledge that though important, it isn’t just menopause and hormones undermining women’s sex lives.

Research shows that, on average, a woman’s interest in sex and the frequency with which she has it tends to decline more during midlife than men’s. Sometimes this fading of desire accompanies a decline in sexual satisfaction, especially if the reason for the dying flame is due to unresolved relationship dynamics that plague the relationship. In other instances, sexual intimacy doesn’t necessarily correlate with less relationship satisfaction, but women might still experience it as something that feels “missing.”

The reasons for declining desire among women in midlife have been studied extensively. Survey data has identified a wide range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors. For example, hormonal changes associated with menopause are often blamed, along with the related weight gain, mood changes, and sleep disturbances that often impact a woman’s perceived sexual attractiveness, an especially pernicious trend in a culture that values youth and beauty for women.

In addition, midlife tends to bring on a wave of responsibilities for women that seemingly collide all at once. The burden of caring for children as well as older parents while simultaneously managing a career can feel overwhelming.

The question is, how do we tease apart the myriad of causes so that we know which ones to first address? How do we untangle all the factors? Where do we begin when it comes to improving women’s sex lives?

A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research provides an interesting clue. The authors analyzed data from the British National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, which included 2133 female participants. In addition, the researchers layered in qualitative data gathered from interviews with some of the actual women from the study.

What is the main thing that leads to a decline in sexual interest in women in midlife?
The answer is both unsurprising and yet profound, and it comes down to one thing; exhaustion.

In a world where women are forced to assume an inordinate number of potential roles–mother, wife, daughter, “career woman,” school parent volunteer, house cleaner, grocery shopper, errand runner, birthday party and after-school activity planner–it’s not shocking that women’s desire for sex diminishes. A diminishment is especially so when research shows that despite their growing careers, heterosexual women still typically do more emotional and household labor than their husbands.

Where do we go from here? We need to acknowledge that though important, it isn’t just menopause and hormones undermining women’s sex lives. It’s that they’re tired. Really tired.

Here are some ideas for how to solve this issue.
Encourage women to “let it go.” This means acknowledging that one’s house does not have to be perfectly clean and organized and that your school-aged children and adult partner can meet more of their needs than you likely are giving them credit for. Take a page from the movie Bad Moms and embrace imperfection.

Encourage the partners of women in relationships to assume more responsibility. This is true for the dishes and laundry and all the emotional labor that goes into running a household. Your partner should help plan activities and anticipate important events.
Encourage women to engage in self-care. This means doing things that introduce pleasure and positive emotions into their lives. Research by Barbara Fredrickson shows that positive emotions build ego resilience, making us better able to handle the challenges of everyday life. Women shouldn't think of pleasure as a “treat.” It’s a vital ingredient to mental health.
Encourage women to employ help. If possible, lean on family and friends to lend support, to either decrease the load or offer emotional support. If you can afford to, hire help. There is no shame in outsourcing what women can outsource.

It’s important to recognize that we all deserve to be happy and sexually fulfilled, whatever that may look like for a person, individually. Taking active steps to prevent exhaustion might be the most important thing a woman and her partner can do to foster an active, healthy sex life.

ATTENTION-
Choosing What We Grow.
The power of intentional attention.
Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

KEY POINTS-
Our actions and our awareness are constantly shaping our habits and experience.
We can choose what we notice (and what we do) in order to influence that process.
It can be helpful to think of this as adding in, rather than subtracting away.
This post was written with Josh Bartok.

"Every single moment of consciousness is a moment of practice, whether we like it or not. We are practicing to become ourselves. The important question is really just how much we want to participate in the process." –Andrew Olendzki, Unlimiting Mind

In my previous post, I shared adrienne maree brown’s quote, “What we pay attention to grows,” and shared how I used that perspective to make my commute a more positive experience. Here I’m going to examine how that principle can (and does) shape all aspects of our life. As Andrew Olendski says above, everything we do with our body, mouth, and mind—and particularly what we bring our consciousness to—builds the habits that make up our experience. So: how can we make choices that enhance this process of “becom[ing] ourselves”?

One way this plays out in my own life is that when I bring my attention, again and again—through ruminating on or railing against—to people or situations that frustrate or hurt me, my sense of frustration and hurt grows. It comes to dominate more of my inner and outer experience, taking up more and more space. While it is of course helpful to notice these feelings and receive information from them, that doesn't mean that it is helpful to continually feed those feelings with my ongoing attention, rehearsing conversations or experiences again and again.

When I instead (or also) bring attention to people or situations that are joyful, or caring, or kind, my sense of connection, wholeness, and belonging grow and I am more able to live into and enact these values throughout my life. I am also more able to take skillful action to address areas of injustice and harm, the exact kinds of things that so easily (and unproductively) consume my attention. My expanded attention helps these valued experiences to grow so that I have even more that I can attend to; it’s like watering and fertilizing a plant’s first emerging shoots.

When I cultivate these experiences, I become more open and flexible in ways that allow me to be more effective when I do choose to turn my attention to experiences of harm and frustration. This practice allows me to be more grounded and balanced, which makes more space for me to choicefully take actions and offer responses, rather than impulsively reacting without any element of choice ever being involved.

How can we expand our attention?
What we attend to is a habit, and upsetting situations naturally grab our attention. So, if we don’t bring intention to this process, we will naturally notice and focus on things that are upsetting through the force of conditioned habit. The first step in expanding our attention is practicing noticing what we are attending to while we are attending to it. We can use different strategies to indicate times that we should check in to see what we are attending to:

Set specific times of day like morning, noon, evening, and bedtime.
Check in when we transition from one task to another or one setting to another.
Check in at times when we feel tension in our bodies or any kind of discomfort.
Check in when our moods are down or irritable.
Check in after the fact when we notice we have taken actions or said things we later regret.
When we notice that our attention is focused on the negative, we can consciously choose to gently expand the field of our attention. We can do this in numerous ways, such as:

Expanding our sensory awareness and noticing sights, sounds, smells, tastes, or sensations with curiosity.
Making a point of noticing moments of joy, connection, care, learning, wonder, gratitude, awe, or satisfaction throughout our days.
Making a list (mental or written) of things we appreciated, enjoyed, or felt grateful for at the end of the day.
Each time we intentionally guide our attention, we are strengthening those habits of attention and weakening the habits of focusing solely on the distressing aspects of our lives. So we can practice again and again and again. In this way, we can gradually grow the parts of our lives we have been ignoring by watering them with our attention–and in this way, whole gardens can begin to flourish.

As we do this, it’s important that we don’t try to push away the stressful things that grab our attention. Those are part of our lives as well, and trying to push away what cannot be pushed away won’t change that and it will actually make us more entangled with them. The pain we feel from life circumstances and events is real and should be choicefully honored as well.

For me, it’s helpful to imagine that I am widening my attention so that although I have all the stressful, painful, and frustrating things still, I am also taking in the things that feel rewarding or meaningful. And this has, for me, led to a richer, fuller experience of my life.

So: What do you want to water with your attention today?